Santa Maul is not pleased. Santa Maul woke up today to the news that Lucasfilm is co-opting HIS day, Black Friday. Black Friday is for BUYING THINGS. Not watching movie trailers. This December release date travesty is getting worse all the time.
It has come to Santa Maul’s attention that Darth Vader, that pan-fried brute, is now being used in place of Santa Claus at Disney World. Santa Maul supposes this is to be expected, as nothing says plebeian like Disney, but he finds the use of a wishy-washy Sith like Vader to be an afront to the very nature of Sithmas. And there probably wasn’t even any violence to liven things up!
Santa Maul has reported the incident to his master, Darth Sinterklaas. He expects vengeance will be swift.
For those who are looking to make a lasting impression this holiday season, Santa Maul notes that the blaster of one “Han Solo” will be auctioned off in the coming weeks. With a minimum bid of $200,000 this is not an option for those who suffer from the lack of dollars. But Santa Maul is certain that any scoundrel or scoundrel-lover will appreciate the effort.
If you wish to be more frugal (or perhaps, less willing to incite violence) in your wooing, the bidding on Professor Jones’ glasses starts at $7,000.
As a disciple of Tim Gunn, Santa Maul finds himself troubled by this trend of wearing leggings as pants, but those who are fit or brave enough to do so may find enjoyment in these bloodstripe leggings (also in yellow.) They are made to order and only available through the 6th, however. Santa Maul advises you to nab them before the lawyers do.
Santa Maul hopes your enemies were sluggish and your feasting was plentiful this Thanksgiving. Santa Maul himself is, of course, gearing up for his (contractually-obligated) favorite day of the year, Black Friday.
“But Santa Maul,” you say. “The shopping has started earlier this year, on Thanksgiving itself!” To that, Santa Maul says poppycock. Thanksgiving is a day for feasting and destroying your enemies: Shopping is for every day after that, until the final facedowns of the season and the blood offerings at Sithmas itself. On this, Santa Maul remains firm.
That said, if you wish to begin your shopping now, well, upon your own neck be it. Consumerism waits for no Sith.
Star Wars is, as always, at the forefront of the trend, with StarWars.com posting their own roundup of deals yesterday. Dunc already revealed the new offerings from Her Universe. And if you are not quite sure what your ‘fangirl’ should want, they now offer gift cards.
As the tyranny of the holiday season comes to an end, Santa Maul has taken time from his busy schedule to present to you the best tweets of the week. They are full of anger and rage and the Star Wars Holiday Special, as is only fitting. May your holiday be victorious.
It is with a distinct lack of regret that Santa Maul admits he is suffering from ennui this holiday season. After all, what could be more festive than utter boredom? Santa Maul has seen it all.
So naturally, he turns to flowers. Santa Maul’s friend Bright Copper Penny is creating Star Wars themed ‘Penny Blossoms’ for these who desire to feel pretty or witty or whatever.
For those with crasser tastes geared towards base metals, there is always the assorted Lord of the Rings paraphernalia, such as earrings or the actual One Ring. (Sold out, of course.)
Less apt to get one hunted down by particularly dim Ringwraiths is the ‘European-style charm bracelet,’ which is slightly less tacky and significantly more geeky than the versions Santa Maul has seen plastered on billboards in his travels.
For those who do not fall for the allure of shiny things, Santa Maul recommends the Han Solo in Carbonite business card case and Death Star ice mold. Santa Maul freezes his with ball bearings before putting it in the Maul family holiday punch bowl – it’s always fun to see which of his dim-witted bisected cousins ends up swallowing the most.