Once again, it is your humble captain, Hondo Ohnaka, pirate and outstanding entre… entrepre… businessperson. It seems that not all of you were following my leadership for starwars.com’s This Is Madness character tournament, but now that I have your attention, you can do better, and lead Hondo to victory again.
To help me with today’s picks, I have enlisted Bala-Tik of the Guavian Death Gang. Despite their name, he’s actually a nice guy. On the light side, we have Yoda against Finn. Bala-Tik tells me that Finn is some fugitive that escaped with Solo and BB-8, but I heard that he’s also a traitor. And betrayal is always good in my book. I didn’t even complain too much when my own men tried to betray me to those Sith guys. Yoda, on the other hand, he’s a small Jedi, and friend to my good buddy, Obi-Wan Kenobi. So he’s probably honorable, which I hear is good for a Jedi. But let’s go with Finn – he’s taller. Maybe he’ll be a big deal someday.
On the dark side, there’s Kylo Ren and Jango Fett. Jango, I knew him. He was a good hunter. Perhaps not as good as me, since I captured two Jedi and a Sith at the same time! Bala-Tik says Kylo Ren is a Sith Lord in the First Order, but likes to destroy stuff when he’s angry. Destroying stuff for fun is one thing, and for profit is even better, but just because you’re mad? That’s not good business. And it doesn’t impress your men. Plus I do not like Sith Lords, especially ones who don’t love their parents. My mother was a sweet woman. Sold me to pirates. So not Kylo Ren. Pick Jango.
On Monday, we have Ahsoka vs BB-8. Gotta go with Ahsoka. I think she likes me. Although she escaped from me. Well, no matter, she’s a good person, and BB-8 is a droid. You know how I feel about those. I’d still have a great base on Florrum if it weren’t for those clankers. Ahsoka Tano. On the dark side, there is Count Dooku against Captain Phasma. I could be friends with Dooku after he escaped my capture, but then he sent those droids! Outrage! It was just business, clearly he could see that. When the Republic’s number one enemy falls into your lap, you ransom him! Phasma, I hear, is like those stormtroopers, except that she’s taller and shiny. I do like shiny. Plus she hasn’t tried to kill me. Yet. Phasma. Tell that to Kanjiklub!