Hello once again! Hondo Ohnaka, Scourge of the Spacelanes, is back, and I have had a most profitable weekend. But you are not here to listen to me talk about it. You want me to give you orders for starwars.com’s ‘This Is Madness’ character tournament instead. But I will tell you about my weekend anyway, before I give you the picks.
Apparently, there was some festival with eggs and hoojibs, and to make a long story short, I ended up with a lot of confectionaries, and not that many unhappy younglings. Very successful weekend. Onto ‘This Is Madness’:
Monday: Light Side: Yoda against Ahsoka Tano. As you know, I am not a fan of most Jedi. And Yoda seems to be most Jedi. And he beat Finn. Ahsoka, on the other hand, she was smart enough to leave the Jedi Order. Plus, I consider her a friend. Or at least an ally I can trust. She did say she didn’t want to hurt me. So pick Ahsoka Tano!
On the dark side, we have Kylo Ren vs. Count Dooku. I did not want either of them to advance, yet here they are. Kylo Ren appears not to have any of the social graces that Dooku has. Even though he became my enemy after I captured him – it was only business, I tell you, Dooku, at least was polite. Perhaps less welcome once his Grievous and droid armies had captured my headquarters, but we lived to take it back, or at least wait until they left. Kylo Ren – he’s an angry fellow. Not good for business. Ha! Not good to deal with, at all! So Dooku. Maybe if I help him win, he’ll end his grudge against me.
Tuesday: Let’s talk about the dark side first: Boba Fett against Grievous. I do not like General Grievous. I think you know why. Boba Fett, though, he was a pretty good kid, for a bounty hunter. And I hear he became a good bounty hunter when he grew up. But then he fell into the Sarlacc Pit. But still better than that cyborg claw guy. So Boba Fett.
Light side: pick between Rey and Leia. Rey is a scavenger who survived in a hot wasteland alone, can fly anything, and might be a Jedi. Leia is a princess who survived her home planet blowing up, can lead anything, and might be a Jedi. This is a tough call. Both of them are worthy light side heroes. But I think I will pick Rey. I hear she’s really popular at the conventions these days. Rey, even though she beat my friend Ezra.