Santa Maul invites his many lady friends (and perhaps a few of his man friends as well) to feast their eyes on Sideshow’s new Attack of the Clones Obi-Wan figure. These 12 inches of bearded Obi-Wan can be preordered on Friday for those who qualify. Santa Maul is not familiar enough with Sideshow’s arcane practices to guess what that means, or when the figures will be shipping, but he does believe that many a fan would appreciate the gesture even if it does come down to an empty box on the day in question.
Santa Maul has been pondering the perfect gift for the burgeoning evil mastermind, and The New York Times has revealed it to him. A British phone company is offering for sale an underground tunnel complex built during World War II as a bomb shelter! A virtual bargain at only $7.4 million, particularly when one notes that it contains a bar. Santa Maul regrets that London is not convenient to his lifestyle, else he would buy it himself, or rather whammy the current owners into thinking he did.
Santa Maul loves Black Friday. Not only is it the day he awakens from his long slumber, but it’s the busiest shopping day of the year. And while Santa Maul loves sales, what he loves the most is the chaos and rage of consumers throughout the galaxy! And in 25 days, when the rage and frustration reaches its height, he shall give his master Darth Sinterklaas an unholy wake-up call, and all followers of the Sith shall be rewarded!
Alas, in recent years many shoppers have wised up and moved their Sithmas shopping online. This makes Santa Maul angry. So angry that he occasionally unleashes his power to bring down a shopping site! He may be crashing one right now. And in the spirit of the season, he is imploring you to help in the madness and buy things:
Santa Maul is generally not partial to Star Wars merchandise featuring second-rate Sith hack Darth Vader, but he is greatly intrigued by this Musical Holiday Waterball found by X-Entertainment. Santa Maul’s l33t Sith research skillz find that the item was released in September, but now can only be found online at eBay. Santa Maul is unsure of the suitability of giving holiday-themed items for Christmas, but doubts that such a faux pas would result in disembowelment.