The news is almost always slow during the holidays; even fandom slows down, as schools and workplaces take breaks and people just find things to do offline. Alas! What’s a bored blogger to do?
In this case, I went to the referrer logs. The sad fact is, all bloggers are obsessed with referral logs: They tell us how many people are looking, what they’re looking at, and how they got here. It’s that last part that’s most fascinating: Sites linking to us, what search results brought them here. In the last week, 20% have come here directly (bookmarks and the like,) 30% from links and a whooping 50% from search engines. Now, I realize this is all pretty boring stuff, but you have to understand: There’s some seriously funny stuff in that 50%. Sure, not in the terms with the biggest numbers (‘robot chicken star wars 2’, ‘club jade’, and ‘fate of the jedi,’ in case you were wondering) but in the little ones. Witness, the most hilarious search engine referrals of November:
- 80 people searched for fandom trash (thanks, tagline!)
- 69 people searched for doctor porn. (With an additional 75 specifically looking for doctor who porn. Costume porn also does pretty well with 22 hits. In short, porn porn porn.
The real fun starts when you get into the smaller numbers: That’s where all the most truly bizarre searches are. Get the crème de la crap under the cut.
- Jedi pick up lines. Yeah, we’ve done that.
- Naked Star Wars. That, not so much; the post is about Daniel Radcliffe. And how about that poor daniel radcliffe full monty naked pictures searcher?
- Slashiest fiction. You tell me? On that note: star war darth vader/han slash fanfiction. Your kink is not okay.
- Alton brown fanfic. Surprisingly, no one was looking for alton brown/darth vader slash. At least not until now.
- Alderaan shot first. Damn right. (Aside: I’m on TV Tropes??? No, will not pretend I invented it.)
- McGregor shoes. Yav >:(
- Adorable things online. How is anyone not aware of Cute Overload by now?
- ahsoka tano in slave costume from star wars and anakin doing asoka. Pedobear >:(
- Alcohol project with legos. Liquor, legos… I’m not seeing any problems with this concept.
- Anakin fanfiction spanking, anikan skywalker naked. Hey, as long as Ahsoka isn’t involved…
- Animal oddities for sale. Boo.
- Buffy/cedric fanfic. Eww.
- Clone wars osaka annoying. Lulz.
- Darkhorse om nom nom. Them comics is good eatin’.
- How are people insane. They read their referral logs?
- How do i pander to nerds. Gee, I dunno….
- Incest blog sites, incest club, leia luke incest pictures. Uhh…. Oh fine, here.
- Melting point of jade. Not going to make LOTF joke, not going to make LOTF joke…
- Omg he’s naked. Indeed.
- pcd sucks. I heard that, sister.
- r2d2 knitting. Well, if any droid has that attachment, it would be artoo.
- Resist jokes. Yeah, sorry, no.
- Solo incest, jacen/jaina twincest. The sad thing is, I know there’s Jacen/Anakin fic out there somewhere, but I can’t recall any Jaina/Jacen. Perhaps jack sparrow’s sick fanfictions will provide.
- Star wars themed strip clubs. Do you mean ‘Power Convertors‘?
PCD sucks
You know what? I can’t even think of a possible alternate meaning. Hear, hear!
My word, some really strange searches being done!
You have to imagine that Google has contests for the strangest search terms. If this is what we get….
Hilarious stuff. And it’s true bloggers are obsessed with referrer logs. It’s crazy the kind of sexual searches that come up. The wierd part of it is that people click on it. I have a Lost blog, why would people expect me to have crazy Matthew Fox slash stories up?
This one is by far my favorite: “Animal oddities for sale”. What does that mean?
– izi