Now that This Is Madness has started on StarWars.com, I, Hondo Ohnaka, successful pirate, am here to tell you who to pick.
Most of you seem to be Jedi reading my mind since you were able to correctly pick for Day 1. Day 1 was Obi-Wan Kenobi against Padme Amidala, and Darth Vader against the Fifth Brother. As you know, Kenobi and I go back quite a ways, and I’m pretty sure we are still friends. He’s honorable for a Jedi, and it looks like he picked up the win. Darth Vader vs. the Fifth Brother. There’s a reason you give someone the title of Fifth Brother. Like First Senator or henchman 21, it shows where you fit in the order. And Darth Vader? I hear he’s the Emperor’s Number One. So yeah, not a surprise at all that Vader beat out a fifth tier baddie.
Onto the current matches. Today we have Skywalker’s droid, R2-D2, against one of Ezra’s crew, Sabine Wren. She seems to be quite the demolitions expert and the artiste. I can admire that. Sometimes I like to blow stuff up. Especially stuff that doesn’t belong to me. Droids, on the other hand, bah! Vizago uses droids, but not me. Vote Sabine! On the dark side, we have Jabba the Hutt and the Seventh Sister. Jabba thinks he’s all powerful, but he threw in with those two horn-heads who had wrecked my already wrecked base, and got many of my men to revolt. So I’m not for Jabba at all. The Seventh Sister? She looks like trouble. My kind of trouble. So I’ll go with her. Plus she has one of those laser swords. Those are pretty neat.
Tomorrow, we have Luke Skywalker versus Hera Syndulla for the Light Side. Man, the Ghost crew is put up against some tough players. Hera was nice enough to let me tell a story of how I saved Ezra and a load of generators for her rebel crew, so that is important to me. But Luke – he’s got one of those laser swords, and get this – his last name is Skywalker. I knew another Skywalker, and he seemed like a decent guy, when he wasn’t trying to escape from my prison. So Luke will probably win whether you pick him or not. On the dark side, Emperor Palpatine against Asajj Ventress. The Empire had made my life miserable. I once had my own crew, my own fleet, and a great base. Under the Empire, I have this box of credits. Not good business. Ventress, on the other hand, she seems like a formidable foe – I hear she has fought plenty of Sith and Jedi and lived to tell the tale. Vote Asajj Ventress.
After that, we have Chewbacca against Han Solo and Tarkin against Maul. Well, you know how much I hate Maul. He and his brother… you know the tale. So Tarkin for sure. But Solo and the Wookiee? Han is more the pirate, but Chewbacca did help Ahsoka once escape from slavers, and Ahsoka turned out to be okay in the end. And Wookiees could rip me apart. Chewbacca. On second thought, Maul. If he heard I told you to pick Tarkin, he might come after me, and I don’t need that.