Hello again, my friends! This is your old pal, Hondo Ohnaka. It is that time of year again, when StarWars.com does their annual “This Is Madness” character picking tournament, and for this fourth year, they have decided to not invite me to their competition at all. They even accused me of trying to rig the game last year, with that Jar Jar Binks auto-robot-stuff. Scurrilous lies, I tell you. I am outraged. I would never rig an election – it’s too time consuming, a pirate like myself would simply declare Hondo Ohnaka the winner and have enough big guns handy to get everyone to agree.
Anyway, it also appears that my big guns are gone – have you seen my predicament on that Rebels show now? Ezra is a fine lad, and may make a great pirate Jedi yet, but he’s no replacement for a crew. Or a base. Or a ship. At least I have my memories of good times. Some of them might even be true. Speaking of memories, please take this trip down memory lane with this great article of my personal wit and wisdom. The author of that piece clearly knows a man of keen intellect and business sense, and I hear he is also a Team Hondo supporter and is also very handsome.
Onto this year’s “This Is Madness.” It starts on Monday at starwars.com/this-is-madness, and there’s some sort of contest for correctly picking the winners in each round. Nonsense, I say. That’s too much work for so little profit. Also, I am still angry that I was not invited this time. What did I do to those StarWars.com people, anyway? It’s not like I stole their droid. I don’t even like droids. Where was I? They added some new characters to the brackets this time, based on the latest season of Rebels (which I am in. Twice! And yet I am not included! Very well, I will not include them! Is there an opposite to include?) and from the new movie, The Force Awakens. I hear it made a kerjillion credits, but I haven’t seen it yet. So to help me with those picks, I’ve recruited Bala-Tik of the Guavian Death Gang to fill me in. In years past, those voom-voom Jedi and Sith have won, but I think this year, it is time for a real hero to win. Me! Ha-ha! Okay, not me. On the light side, I predict going into the finals will be Han Solo versus Rey. And on the dark side, it will be Darth Vader (who won last time) and Kylo Ren or Agent Kallus. In the end, the light side will win, whether it is that Solo guy or the newcomer, Rey. I hear she knows how to do a mind trick.
Stay tuned for my individual round picks. I am too indignant right now at being not invited to consider who Team Hondo should vote for in each of these starting rounds.