Santa Maul is not pleased. Santa Maul woke up today to the news that Lucasfilm is co-opting HIS day, Black Friday. Black Friday is for BUYING THINGS. Not watching movie trailers. This December release date travesty is getting worse all the time.
For those who are looking to make a lasting impression this holiday season, Santa Maul notes that the blaster of one “Han Solo” will be auctioned off in the coming weeks. With a minimum bid of $200,000 this is not an option for those who suffer from the lack of dollars. But Santa Maul is certain that any scoundrel or scoundrel-lover will appreciate the effort.
If you wish to be more frugal (or perhaps, less willing to incite violence) in your wooing, the bidding on Professor Jones’ glasses starts at $7,000.
As a disciple of Tim Gunn, Santa Maul finds himself troubled by this trend of wearing leggings as pants, but those who are fit or brave enough to do so may find enjoyment in these bloodstripe leggings (also in yellow.) They are made to order and only available through the 6th, however. Santa Maul advises you to nab them before the lawyers do.
Santa Maul hopes your enemies were sluggish and your feasting was plentiful this Thanksgiving. Santa Maul himself is, of course, gearing up for his (contractually-obligated) favorite day of the year, Black Friday.
“But Santa Maul,” you say. “The shopping has started earlier this year, on Thanksgiving itself!” To that, Santa Maul says poppycock. Thanksgiving is a day for feasting and destroying your enemies: Shopping is for every day after that, until the final facedowns of the season and the blood offerings at Sithmas itself. On this, Santa Maul remains firm.
That said, if you wish to begin your shopping now, well, upon your own neck be it. Consumerism waits for no Sith.
Star Wars is, as always, at the forefront of the trend, with StarWars.com posting their own roundup of deals yesterday. Dunc already revealed the new offerings from Her Universe. And if you are not quite sure what your ‘fangirl’ should want, they now offer gift cards.
It is with a distinct lack of regret that Santa Maul admits he is suffering from ennui this holiday season. After all, what could be more festive than utter boredom? Santa Maul has seen it all.
So naturally, he turns to flowers. Santa Maul’s friend Bright Copper Penny is creating Star Wars themed ‘Penny Blossoms’ for these who desire to feel pretty or witty or whatever.
For those with crasser tastes geared towards base metals, there is always the assorted Lord of the Rings paraphernalia, such as earrings or the actual One Ring. (Sold out, of course.)
Less apt to get one hunted down by particularly dim Ringwraiths is the ‘European-style charm bracelet,’ which is slightly less tacky and significantly more geeky than the versions Santa Maul has seen plastered on billboards in his travels.
For those who do not fall for the allure of shiny things, Santa Maul recommends the Han Solo in Carbonite business card case and Death Star ice mold. Santa Maul freezes his with ball bearings before putting it in the Maul family holiday punch bowl – it’s always fun to see which of his dim-witted bisected cousins ends up swallowing the most.
Santa Maul has emerged triumphant from the gastronomic bloodbath, and he has spent the night cackling wildly about the encroachment of retail upon the day of platitudes, football, and flightless bird gorging. Not that he has gone out himself, of course: There is much to do at the Darth Pole, and he has been out of commission writing dirty fanfic taunting Star Wars fandom with poorly-thought out rumors and fancastings.
(Santa Maul can neither confirm nor deny that he or any other member of the Maul family has been approached to direct, write or star in any forthcoming sequels.)
Santa Maul knows there are many deals which you will be wanting to know of, but he must pace himself.
If you have any friends who somehow do not own the Star Wars movies, Amazon has marked the Blu-rays down considerably – perhaps knowing that ‘The Complete Saga’ 6-pack will soon be a lie and/or in hopes that foolish collectors will think they need to purchase extras. In any case, it will now only cost you $69.99, while the individual Original Trilogy and Prequel Trilogy are $29.99 each.
Only a Skywalker would be blind enough to wear this.
Entertainment Earth is apparently so desperate to to get rid of Luke Skywalker’s dorky yellow jacket that they have marked it down from $274.99 to $75.00. It even comes with a medal to make your lightsider friends feel better about their pathetic life choices.
Her Universe has revealed their Cyber Monday exclusives! Above, a set of Darth Vader pajamas featuring artwork from Her Universe favorite Katie Cook. “Everyone knows I love creating designs for Her Universe,” Cook said. “I jumped at the chance to combine two of my favorite things: Star Wars and pajamas.” Tops and bottoms will be sold separately – the tops aren’t on the site yet, but the bottoms go up to 3X.
The Star Wars shirt with Japanese symbols is a new Misses cut that is “is flattering to the female figure” – it’s the same cut as the plus-size Mara shirts from Celebration, and is available in sizes up to 2X. The BSG crew neck sweatshirt might also appeal to those looking for a looser cut – it’s available in sizes up to XL. There are also new Star Trek and two new DoctorWho tees!
Her Universe is producing their first Star Trek jewelery for the holiday – these earrings feature the Vulcan hand sign in the communicator seal. And this year’s holiday pin features Chewbacca and comes in a case signed by Ashley Eckstein. A thousand have been produced and will be going out free with every order while supplies last.
If you were at Celebration VI, you almost certainly remember the ever-changing bathrobe booth – but for those who weren’t, ThinkGeek is now offering a few varieties of Star Wars bathrobes. They have R2-D2, stormtrooper and (of course) Boba Fett. And, yes, Jedi and Sith, but those are old news.