Tomorrow is Carrie Fisher’s birthday! Let’s celebrate by making this week’s featured filk my favorite Leia filk from the archive! Yes, this one is the best, my absolute fav, a classic of our times, one which… :::clickclickclick::: yes, it’s here somewhere, I’m sure, this great homage, this wonderful…::click:: ::click:: ::clickclickclickclick!!!::
Are you kidding me? You mean to tell me we don’t have a single by or about Leia in the entire Club Jade Filk Archive??? No so much as an “Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Brassy Gold Slave Girl Bikini” or a “Princess of Power”? How can this be?
Clearly this is an oversight that must be rectified immediately. Thus, I inaugurate the first ever Filk Friday Challenge: Princess Leia!
Write and post your best Leia-based filk in the comments here. It can be sung by or about her, but she must be central figure of the filk. Include your screenname, filk, and the song your filk is based on. All submissions are due by 11:59pm (PST) on Nov. 2, and will be added to the Archive (under the new category Readers, for non-CJers). The winner will receive my undying appreciation for filling this glaring whole in our collection as well as the honor of being the Featured Filk in two weeks (Nov 3). Readers are welcome to post comments and/or lobby for their favorites, but in the end, my opinion will be the sole judge of victory.
Bring forth the challengers!
Oh come ON! Are you saying “Don’t Cry for Me Princess Leia” isn’t archived???? That’s a travesty!
There is only one song from Musical Edition archived here, as a preview, since it would be a bit of a flood to archive all 50 or so songs here. Nor would it be eligible for victory anyway, since I had at least a small co-authoring hand in it (if I recall correctly, that was one of the songs that was my idea, but Jeff actually wrote it).
I included a link to my Star Wars blog. I wrote a parody to the song “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” be the BEATLES (I love them. So, that’s my entry.
I Wanna Know Who Leia Is
To the tune of “I Wanna Know What Love Is” by Foreigner.
She showed up in a disguise
Threatened me with a detonator
But then I had a sweet surprise
She’s the hot child of Darth Vader
Now I got a feeling so sublime
Could it be some indigestion
No it’s my genitles this time
I forgot I even had them
In my life there’s been dancers galore
But this girl here isn’t no whore
Can’t give her Han, but I’ll give her my love
She must be from heaven above
I wanna know who Leia is
Her love I’ll pursue it
Got a question for Threepio
Can Hutts and girls do it
Now I’ve got her all dressed up
In a shiny golden costume
We played some tonsil hockey
Then I threw her brother to his doom
In my life Leia’s a wonderful gift
Wouldn’t trade her for the whole Cron Dift
She even thinks my cooking is great
My sweet Princess, let’s conjugate
I wanna know who Leia is
Her love I’ll pursue it
Got a question for Threepio
Can Hutts and girls do it
Took her on my barge today
Leia thought my ride was pimp
Gonna make Skywalker pay
Because he called me a fat blimp
Everything was going good
Had my woman at my side
But then she pulled upon her chain
And I keeled over and died
In my life I’ve had gambling and vice
But out of them all, only Leia was nice
How could you tell me our love was a lie
Maybe it’s for the best I died
I got to know who Leia is
Her love I pursued it
At least I found out firsthand
Hutts and girls can do it
Is it cheating to post old filks? I think these are on my LJ already… but here they are anyway.
Filk #1, sung by Leia:
You’re So Vain, to the tune of the identically-named Carly Simon song.
You walked onto the Death Star
Like you were walking onto a yacht
Blaster strategically firing everywhere
Your shooting it was was so hot
With one shot to the holocam and
Another to the comm
And all of the stormtroopers
They ran for cover, they ran for cover, and
You’re so vain,
You probably think this song is about you
You’re so vain
I bet you think this song is about you
Don’t you? Don
If old ones don’t count, here’s a new one. And then I’ll shut up, I promise!
Leia’s Got A Gun (to Aerosmith’s “Janie’s Got A Gun”)
Dum, dum, dum, sweetheart what have you done?
Dum, dum, dum it’s the sound of my gun.
Dum, dum, dum, sweetheart what have you done?
Dum, dum, dum it’s the sound
Leia’s got a gun
Leia’s got a gun
Her whole world’s come undone
Because of Vader and Tarkin
What did her daddy do?
What did he put you through?
They said when Leia was arrested
They threw the princess in a cell
Now man, they have it comin’ Now that Leia’s got a gun
She aims to blast the Empire all to hell.
Leia’s got a gun
Leia’s got a gun
Her Rebellion’s just begun
Now the Empire had better run
Tell me now it’s untrue.
What did her daddy do?
He tortured his own daughter
The Sith has got to be insane
They say the spell that he was under Palpy’s lightning and his
thunder made him not entirely stable in the brain.
Run away, run away from the pain yeah, yeah yeah yeah
Run away, run away from the pain yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away
Leia’s got a gun
Leia’s got a gun
Her Rebellion’s just begun
Now the Empire had better run
What did her daddy do?
It’s Leia’s last I.O.U.
She had to take him down quickly and plot to blow his battle station
She said there’s no time for sorrow. The Death Star’s got to go.
Please start R2D2’s examination.
(Run away refrain)
Leia’s got a gun
Leia’s got a gun
Leia’s got a gun
The Empire had better run
Leia’s got a gun
Her Rebellion’s just begun
Now the Empire had better run
Because Leia’s got a gun
Leia’s got a gun
Her Rebellion’s just begun
Now the Empire had better run
Leia’s got a gun
Short Cute Princess (in a White Dress)
Original song: Long Cool Woman (in a Black Dress) by the Hollies
Episode IV I was onboard
Workin’ for the ISB
Devastator chasin’ a Corvette
Rebels were tryin’ to flee
Boardin’ the cruiser through the airlock
Killin’ traitors who had me annoyed
Just about to call up the Vader man
When I saw this woman program a droid
Her pair of curly buns made me open my eyes
My blaster was ready to stun
She was a short cute princess in a white dress
And she’s aimin’ at me with her gun
With just one shot I was a bad mess
Cuz that short cute princess got it done.
I saw her headin’ to the bunker
With a tall Wookie at her back
When they surrendered, I thought we had ’em, boy
But we never thought those freaks would attack
Well, suddenly we heard those Ewoks
And everybody started to shoot
A-jumpin’ outta trees and bushes
And just then, a furball’s horn gave a toot
Well, we chased ’em back into the forest
And then she was alone at the base
Well I told her not to move
“Put your hands up real smooth,”
But she thought a little faster
And I couldn’t see her blaster
She’s a short cute princess in fatigues now
Shot me twice with a glint in her eye
Well, the guys in my whole squad, they believe now
That that short cute princess wasn’t shy
-Figrin
I’m dating myself with this one. If you didn’t see ESB in the theatre you may not remember this song. Thanks to Jessa and Kelly for the betas.
Big Buns
(to the tune of Big Balls by AC/DC)
Well I’m rather upper class high society
Force gift to Alderi nobility
And I always fill my blaster
The rebellion never small
The holonet say I’ve got
The biggest buns of all
I’ve got big buns
I’ve got big buns
They’re such big buns
And they’re pretty big buns
Cinnamon big buns
Cinnamon big buns
But I’ve got the biggest buns of them all
And my buns are never bouncing
My blaster always full
And everybody runs and runs again
If your name is on my hit list
No one can blast you higher
Everybody says I’ve got
Great blaster fire
I’ve got big buns
I’ve got big buns
They’re such big buns
And they’re pretty big buns
Cinnamon big buns
Cinnamon big buns
But I’ve got the biggest buns of them all
Some say they look like pastries
Don
Leia (A23-1138)
(to the tune of Jenny (867-5309) by Tommy Tutone)
Leia, Leia, girl that I rescued
You called me Flyboy, while shootin’ the trash chute
I know that I’m not like the others before
A guy like me, a Princess can call
Leia, I got your number
I say, “Your Highnessness”
Leia, I get on your nerves
A231138 (A231138)
A231138 (A231138)
Leia, Leia, you’re the girl for me
You’re a Princess and you make me so crazy
I tried to kiss you before, but that droid came in
They froze me in Carbonite, now; It’s love we are in
Leia, I got your number
I say, “Your Highnessness”
Leia, I get on your nerves
A231138 (A231138)
A231138 (A231138)
I’m free now (I’m free now)
I’m free now
She got me down from off that wall
I’m free now (I’m free now)
I’m free now
That’s my Princess
She didn’t let me fall
Hey!
Leia, Leia, who can I turn to?
(A231138)
On the light side
I can always turn to you
*repeat to fade*
(A231138)
(A231138)
(A231138)