Santa Maul has been pondering the perfect gift for the burgeoning evil mastermind, and The New York Times has revealed it to him. A British phone company is offering for sale an underground tunnel complex built during World War II as a bomb shelter! A virtual bargain at only $7.4 million, particularly when one notes that it contains a bar. Santa Maul regrets that London is not convenient to his lifestyle, else he would buy it himself, or rather whammy the current owners into thinking he did.
Santa Maul loves Black Friday. Not only is it the day he awakens from his long slumber, but it’s the busiest shopping day of the year. And while Santa Maul loves sales, what he loves the most is the chaos and rage of consumers throughout the galaxy! And in 25 days, when the rage and frustration reaches its height, he shall give his master Darth Sinterklaas an unholy wake-up call, and all followers of the Sith shall be rewarded!
Alas, in recent years many shoppers have wised up and moved their Sithmas shopping online. This makes Santa Maul angry. So angry that he occasionally unleashes his power to bring down a shopping site! He may be crashing one right now. And in the spirit of the season, he is imploring you to help in the madness and buy things:
I’m a total grinch about the holiday season, but John Scalzi isn’t. He’s included Darth Vader in his SciFi Thanksgiving:
I’m thankful for Darth Vader. In the last 30-some years, has there been a better villain in all of film — not just science fiction film, but film in general? I tell you, there is not (Hannibal Lecter comes close, but dude. Vader could use his Force powers to feed him his own liver with a nice Chianti). Vader is so badass that he survived George Lucas turning him into a whiny loser in the prequel trilogy. Think about that.
Well, on their website, anyway. Their Clone Wars subsite is offering a selection of Japanese and British merchandise, as well as exclusive content. In other BUY BUY BUY news, StarWarsShop is having a Black Friday sale this weekend.
The fact that there is anything that can be qualified as Holiday Special collectibles is chilling at best. But in a month that has brought us the Darth Vader toaster, it’s impossible to be surprised – except perhaps by the lack of a Ackmena Cantina playset.