Ahoy! It’s your old pal Hondo Ohnaka, Scourge of the Spacelanes, here, and I’ve gotten word that once again I will be competing in the ‘This is Madness‘ tournament from StarWars.com. So here’s your captain to tell you who to pick since you’re all pressed into Team Hondo!
They seem to have expanded the number of spots available by adding these play-in things. At least they are smart enough to not make me join in one of those. In a four-way fight, I would win… or maybe hide… or run away until there is only one left, and then club that guy when his back is turned. But the point is, I’d win.
So they decided to let me skip these add-on rounds, but here are my picks – you have less than three days to get your votes in.
- In Attack of the Play-Ins Matchup 1, we have Wedge Antilles, C-3PO, Mon Mothma and Jek Porkins. I hear this Wedge guy is a bit of a rogue, even if he wears a uniform. But smart money’s on the protocol droid. Why? He’s made of gold. Anyone with that much as you say bling has got to be a baller. Also, if I had to face him, I could knock him over easily. Pick C-3PO.
- For Matchup 2, we have a bunch of Jedi. As Watto says, we don’t need them. They always cause me trouble. Last time they came to my base, they wrecked it up and didn’t even stick around to clean up the mess. Still, that Ahsoka Tano is probably the only one I’d trust, and for a pirate to trust a Jedi, that’s a rare thing. Vote Ahsoka.
- In the next matchup, there’s some members of the Empire and Separatists. Like the Jedi, these guys cause my head to ache. Sep sent their battle droids to shoot up my stuff, so there’s no way I’m going to pick them. I’ll pick General Veers because picking a Navy admiral just seems like bad luck to a mostly illegal businessman like me.
- What are we up to, now? Matchup four. Bounty hunters. While sometimes I work with bounty hunters, other times, they are looking for me or my men. I do background checks when I hire crew. Wait, no I don’t. Anyway, between Bossk, Greedo, IG-88 and Dengar, Bossk is the most lethal, and I don’t want to be on his bad side. Pick Bossk and live, I say!
Looking down at the full brackets, I see that I’m paired against Han Solo in the first round in the scoundrels division, on the light side of the board. I’ll have to make sure I move back to the dark side of the chart next year, but this year, you’d better vote Team Hondo, or else I’ll let my Kowakian monkey lizard tattoo you. Remember, now this is MADNESS!