Ptooey! This is not good business at all. I, Captain Hondo Ohnaka am back, and I’m about to hang up my boots for This Is Madness. Apparently, everyone does the opposite of what your wise pirate captain says. So you’re all fired unless you win one for my Kowakian monkey lizard!
Yes, I’m still upset that more people voted for Chewbacca than for my favorite Jedi, Ahsoka Tano. And now Yoda has bested Obi-Wan in the battle of the Order 66 survivors. This is not profitable for me at all. So time to change my business plan. Phase III – Profit!
So, in today’s matches:
- Light side: We have R2-D2 against Chewbacca. It’s like the battle of your favorite appliance against your favorite pet. Both are loyal and handy with machines and prone to saying things that shouldn’t be repeated in proper company. Hondo does prefer having a droid on his team over a Wookiee, simply because you don’t have to pay a droid. So vote Artoo. Don’t let the Wookie win.
- Dark side: Boba Fett vs. Palpatine. This one is the match between the walking box of matches and the walking sparkplug. Both are good way to start a fire, but neither make for good company. Well, Palpatine will at least talk to you, but he’s always cackling and talking about your very special destiny. So I guess Palpatine.
Then we move on to the final match for each side for the following day:
- Light Side: Yoda vs Artoo or Yoda vs Chewbacca. Yoda is one of those Jedi who never tells you the truth, and is all high and mighty from his temple chair on Coruscant. While Artoo and Chewbacca are both folk I’d actually have work for me on my crew. Yoda’s not much into piracy. So vote for Artoo or Chewbacca, you will. That’s my Yoda attempt. I’m pretty sure I did it in a convincing accent.
- Dark Side: Darth Vader against the winner of Boba Fett / Palpatine. I’m just going to assume that Boba Fett is going to win against Palpatine. But vote Darth Vader anyway. While Fett’s a businessman like myself, his business is usually involving rounding up some of MY business associates. And that’s not good for my bottom line. Vader, on the other hand, is so consumed with tracking down Jedi that he leaves me alone. And every now and then he hires me for a job when having the Empire won’t look good for the role. It’s like he knows me from somewhere, but I can’t place it.
So Team Hondo, go vote on the website or you’re all fired! And since I haven’t paid you yet, get fired and you’ll walk away with just the shoes on your feet. Unless you don’t have any shoes. Or feet. And if you don’t have feet, who needs shoes?