Club Jade Spa

What Caitlin failed to provide much detail on was the formation of the Club Jade Spa.

At one point, Rogue is on the floor with Derek giving him a massage (or adjustment…or something). Mike has a whole line of people waiting to get a massage. (I, Paula, knocked off Kelly for the title of tightest shoulders of Club Jade.)

Then, somehow, there was Diane painting Derek’s and Ben’s toes. Pink. Well, I think it was actually champagne. Either way, quite the effect.

Thus it was that we had a spa going in the middle of the party.

We’re about to start the Harry Potter discussion. Everyone stay safe!

“smelly boy”

A good night. Most of the suite watched Shaun of the Dead (funny, also gross) while a small but dedicated group watched Arrested Development in the other room. (Gotta love a show where incest is canon. Maeby/George Michael 4EVA!) Then, Jessa premiered the Emperor Noir drink (watch out for the blood on the rim, it stains) and we watched selected clips from Emperor Aaron’s film Deadbacks with live commentary from the director. The White Wampa gift exchange followed; Mary wound up with an inflatable Millenium Falcon while Emperor Aaron stole Susan’s boxers. Now some people are getting massages while others watch Spaceballs.

Wow, that was a remarkably coherent entry for being written under the influence of an Emperor Noir and one-and-a-half Mustafar Meltdowns.

I leave you with this thought: “The geography that I stand compares you superior!”

Cinematic History Begins

The ceremonies are about to begin to rename the Coruscant Opera House to The Emperor Palpatine Center for the Performing Arts.

Long live, The Emperor!

The dress that Steph is wearing is STUNNING! Missi’s looking pretty hot, herself.

And there are quite a few boas moulting in the suite, right now.

More highlights to come!

Random quotes of today (so far)

“I don’t want to spoil… what’s the one where Siri dies?” -Yav

“It’s good to know there have always been dumb fangirls.” -Caitlin

“‘I only like Shakespeare when there’s cleavage!'” -Rach

“I will not circumcise myself.” – Hokie

“Jawas are evil koalas.” -Caitlin

“WOW. You’ve outweirded me.” Caitlin to Ruby.

“Derek, I’m sorry I have to reach between your legs, but I’ve got to get up.” – Helen

“It’s okay, now I’ve got a Rogue between my legs.” -Derek (The slash writes itself.)

“Everyone wants their butt to be as big as a starship.” -Blu

Live from the suite

Auditions for Survivor: Hoth are underway. I’m confident about my chances. But then, so is everyone else. Bitches.

Games night went well, per usual. Rogue introduced a Firefly game, and something called “Kill General Jar-Jar.” I didn’t play that one, but I did get to be Jayne. And I won! I think.

Less than 24 hours and we already have our first casualty – Hokie got hammered, turned himself inside out and is now sleeping with the porcelain gods. I think this is the first time we’ve had anyone get quite this drunk.

No one else is reenacting great fratboy exploits, but a few CJers were just doing the Macerana to the Imperial March.

Hokie, of course, will never live this down…

ETA: As I was posting this, Security brought us cake. Security! The Hyatt rocks.

The quotes of GenCon

These were compiled by Jennifer (Imperial Girl) but were sent to me for posting. Enjoy, bitches!

“The boys are playing with each other in the suite.” (Caitlin explaining where Rogue is.)

“Aw, pretty man fall down!” (Paula, watching a Romanian gymnast)

“The Chinese guy fell, so that’s okay. Stupid China.” (Caitlin on sportsmanship.)

“You all missed it. I got Dunc’s cherry.” (James on the visit to Steak N Shake)

“A lot of people have gotten Dunc’s cherry already.” (Paula’s rejoinder.)

“Yeah, he shouldn’t open his mouth. He should just stand there and be pretty.” (Caitlin on gold-medal gymnast Paul Hamm.)

“It’s like talking to PG. I don’t understand anything.” (Kelly on the jargon in James’s story.)

“Slashing action!” (Someone at marketing wasn’t thinking . . . )

“Die, adverb, die!” (Jennifer at the writer’s workshop.)

“I can flounce, too, if it’ll really disturb people.” (Aaron on swinging and flouncing.)

“Evil bears!” (Or, the official explanation for why Ani’s Tusken Raider pogrom is really okay.)

“So what does that make Alderaan? Evil chinchillas?” (Aaron’s logical follow-up question.)

“I bet Jesus wouldn’t have killed me with a lei!” (Luci on being killed by Kim.)

“Strip ’em down! Dress ’em up! Viiiiii-nyl!” (Team Vinyl!)

“Vegetarian spank inferno! Spank spank spank spank!” (Team Vegetarian Spank Inferno)

“That’s all right, that’s okay, we’re gonna kill you all someday!” (Team Luser)

“Faster! More intense! Faster! More Intense!” (The second-most hard-to-explain-to-mundanes picnic chant)

“Toss the dwarf!” (The first most hard to explain . . .)

“Stupid Machiavelli.” (Caitlin. Don’t ask.)

“The bitch needed to leave.” (Jennifer on Selinthia.)

“Evil ferrets, evil pandas, evil koalas, evil muskrats. . .” (More logical follow-up.)

“‘Okay, here he is with handcuffs and a mermaid.'” (Quoting the ex-member. Those of us who didn’t know her don’t want to know.)

“Harry got laid on in the back seat.” (Missi on why her cake got damaged.)

“The worst Mary Sues are in there to boink your favorite character.” (Jennifer on fanfic.)

“I want to change my name to Leia Amidala Organa Skywalker.” (Luci)

“I’ll bet she didn’t know who Machiavelli was.” (Aaron)

“See this ring? That means I went to MIT. That means I’m smart.” (Caitlin to random fanboy on Machiavelli.)

“I feel like we’re on Cheers.” (Caitlin on the Sunday suite.)

“I’m sure that’s what everybody thought after they read the book…” (Rogue on naming children after Legolas, ‘still the prettiest.’)

“In retrospect: not our best decision.” (On our discovery that lighting fifty or so sparklers in an enclosed picnic pavilion on a rainy day was not the best idea.)

“Beth leid many people.” (Beth insisted this be included.)

“Now I’m officially a pretentious merlot-sipping black-and-silver-ankh-wearing Goth chick.” (Jennifer after the wine was broken out on Sunday.)

“I think ‘bitch’ is the official word of the con. Has anyone not been called a bitch?”

“The sky is blue, the grass is green, Darth Vader is Luke’s father!” (Dunc on the facts of life for the post-ESB generation.)

“Spider-Man has BOOBS?” (Dunc with a hearing problem.)

“BOOTS, Dunc, BOOTS!” (Eliz clairifying.)

“A romantic drama with flesh-eating zombies. Or Romeo and Juliet meets Night of the Living Dead.” (Aaron on his movie.)

“Not that they cared. I could have said ‘this is Eva Braun here’ and they wouldn’t have noticed.” (Beth on her impersonation of Mary Franklin for the benefit of the Hyatt staff. But it did get our garbage picked up.)

“If you’re not part of the solution, you’re a Club Jader.” (Tim pretty much sums it up.)

“I’m sorry, I thought he said ‘incest’.” (Beth watching the Musical Edition.)

“Yay, none of my Imperials are naked!” (Caitlin again.)

“Vader was a chick?”
“No, he just has long hair.” (Rogue clarifying a fine point of the musical.)

“Okay, I was in school for four years, what was I doing?” (Dunc explaining her mad icon skillz.)

“Why can’t you just . . . farm them out of kennels or whatever it is you do with them?” (Jennifer explaining why she’ll never be a parent.)

“Oh, go to Flint!” (Jennifer and Dunc to merging idiot on I-75 south of Detroit.)

And of course:

“There’s no crying at GenCon!”

Coupling Quotes (we didn’t say them, but they’re still funny):
“I’m angry, making sense gets in the way!”
“Every morning I wake up glad I’m not you.”
“I’m a perverted moth, and you’re on fire.”
“Baaa. Baaa. Baaaa!”
“Vegetarian Spank Inferno!”

PCD Kickoff

We’re hanging out in the suite wasting time now. I swear we just started… Damn. I’m gonna miss everyone. Even PG.

I’m not going to IMAX Spider-Man either. Bitch is whiny enough in 2D; I don’t think I could restrain myself enough to see it with actual fans. The snark must flow.

Missi is coming soon to take my monitor, so this may be the last entry from the suite. Sorry we never got the camera up. :( Maybe next year.

First Blog Ever!

This is the “so glad I stayed an extra day” day. Beng able to spread out the post-con depression will help. I was putting *way* too many eggs in one basket this year, depending on GenCon to help rid me of most of my stress. But it worked!

Note to self: do it this way all the time.