Club Jade

These were compiled by Jennifer (Imperial Girl) but were sent to me for posting. Enjoy, bitches!

“The boys are playing with each other in the suite.” (Caitlin explaining where Rogue is.)

“Aw, pretty man fall down!” (Paula, watching a Romanian gymnast)

“The Chinese guy fell, so that’s okay. Stupid China.” (Caitlin on sportsmanship.)

“You all missed it. I got Dunc’s cherry.” (James on the visit to Steak N Shake)

“A lot of people have gotten Dunc’s cherry already.” (Paula’s rejoinder.)

“Yeah, he shouldn’t open his mouth. He should just stand there and be pretty.” (Caitlin on gold-medal gymnast Paul Hamm.)

“It’s like talking to PG. I don’t understand anything.” (Kelly on the jargon in James’s story.)

“Slashing action!” (Someone at marketing wasn’t thinking . . . )

“Die, adverb, die!” (Jennifer at the writer’s workshop.)

“I can flounce, too, if it’ll really disturb people.” (Aaron on swinging and flouncing.)

“Evil bears!” (Or, the official explanation for why Ani’s Tusken Raider pogrom is really okay.)

“So what does that make Alderaan? Evil chinchillas?” (Aaron’s logical follow-up question.)

“I bet Jesus wouldn’t have killed me with a lei!” (Luci on being killed by Kim.)

“Strip ’em down! Dress ’em up! Viiiiii-nyl!” (Team Vinyl!)

“Vegetarian spank inferno! Spank spank spank spank!” (Team Vegetarian Spank Inferno)

“That’s all right, that’s okay, we’re gonna kill you all someday!” (Team Luser)

“Faster! More intense! Faster! More Intense!” (The second-most hard-to-explain-to-mundanes picnic chant)

“Toss the dwarf!” (The first most hard to explain . . .)

“Stupid Machiavelli.” (Caitlin. Don’t ask.)

“The bitch needed to leave.” (Jennifer on Selinthia.)

“Evil ferrets, evil pandas, evil koalas, evil muskrats. . .” (More logical follow-up.)

“‘Okay, here he is with handcuffs and a mermaid.'” (Quoting the ex-member. Those of us who didn’t know her don’t want to know.)

“Harry got laid on in the back seat.” (Missi on why her cake got damaged.)

“The worst Mary Sues are in there to boink your favorite character.” (Jennifer on fanfic.)

“I want to change my name to Leia Amidala Organa Skywalker.” (Luci)

“I’ll bet she didn’t know who Machiavelli was.” (Aaron)

“See this ring? That means I went to MIT. That means I’m smart.” (Caitlin to random fanboy on Machiavelli.)

“I feel like we’re on Cheers.” (Caitlin on the Sunday suite.)

“I’m sure that’s what everybody thought after they read the book…” (Rogue on naming children after Legolas, ‘still the prettiest.’)

“In retrospect: not our best decision.” (On our discovery that lighting fifty or so sparklers in an enclosed picnic pavilion on a rainy day was not the best idea.)

“Beth leid many people.” (Beth insisted this be included.)

“Now I’m officially a pretentious merlot-sipping black-and-silver-ankh-wearing Goth chick.” (Jennifer after the wine was broken out on Sunday.)

“I think ‘bitch’ is the official word of the con. Has anyone not been called a bitch?”

“The sky is blue, the grass is green, Darth Vader is Luke’s father!” (Dunc on the facts of life for the post-ESB generation.)

“Spider-Man has BOOBS?” (Dunc with a hearing problem.)

“BOOTS, Dunc, BOOTS!” (Eliz clairifying.)

“A romantic drama with flesh-eating zombies. Or Romeo and Juliet meets Night of the Living Dead.” (Aaron on his movie.)

“Not that they cared. I could have said ‘this is Eva Braun here’ and they wouldn’t have noticed.” (Beth on her impersonation of Mary Franklin for the benefit of the Hyatt staff. But it did get our garbage picked up.)

“If you’re not part of the solution, you’re a Club Jader.” (Tim pretty much sums it up.)

“I’m sorry, I thought he said ‘incest’.” (Beth watching the Musical Edition.)

“Yay, none of my Imperials are naked!” (Caitlin again.)

“Vader was a chick?”
“No, he just has long hair.” (Rogue clarifying a fine point of the musical.)

“Okay, I was in school for four years, what was I doing?” (Dunc explaining her mad icon skillz.)

“Why can’t you just . . . farm them out of kennels or whatever it is you do with them?” (Jennifer explaining why she’ll never be a parent.)

“Oh, go to Flint!” (Jennifer and Dunc to merging idiot on I-75 south of Detroit.)

And of course:

“There’s no crying at GenCon!”

Coupling Quotes (we didn’t say them, but they’re still funny):
“I’m angry, making sense gets in the way!”
“Every morning I wake up glad I’m not you.”
“I’m a perverted moth, and you’re on fire.”
“Baaa. Baaa. Baaaa!”
“Vegetarian Spank Inferno!”