Your favorite pirate, Hondo Ohnaka, is back, slicing into this blog account, with more insightful tips on how to vote in StarWars.com’s ‘This Is Madness’ character bracket pool thingy. It’s like a regular pool, but without water. Or pool toys. Or pineapple-shaped drinks.
If you saw my picks for the first two days and did not vote, it’s your fault that Hondo’s choices didn’t advance. But you can make it up to me, and I now have allies with more firepower, as the friendly scoundrels over at JediNews have thrown their lot in with me. So help spread the word for #TeamHondo and most importantly vote for me. Or else I’ll think of a vicious fate for you, sometime later. When I’m not typing.
In the first day of voting, no one listened to old Hondo, and now Han Solo and Darth Vader have both advanced. This is an outrage. How am I supposed to beat both of them? But in the second day, the margins show that people are listening to me. Qui-Gon got a full quarter of the vote, and I think it’s due to everyone on Team Hondo and also a lot of Taken fans. Asajj did better against Maul than that cyborg general did against Vader, so again, a small victory for Hondo and his pirates. But we need a big victory. That’s better business!
So for today’s vote (get your vote in at starwars.com/thisismadness by midnight ET, or 9 PM PT, or before you pass out, if you’re like me):
- Light Side: Luke Skywalker and Wedge Antilles. Hondo respects a good pilot, since they will often get you out of a jam. And these are both good pilots. But Wedge, I think, is a better pilot since he does all that without the Force. I’m still not sold on Force users, though they often fetch a good bounty. So pick Wedge Antilles. I hear he’s Corellian and that’s a good thing in my book.
- Dark Side: Jabba the Hutt and Salacious Crumb. Jabba is a good businessman and I make it a point to try to take advantage of a good businessman every chance I get. Though he does have good taste in companions, like that Kowakian monkey-lizard of his, Salacious Crumb. I, too, have a monkey-lizard, though his name is way cooler: Pilf Mukmuk. And I make sure that my raucous friend is well tended to. Pick Salacious Crumb to irritate the Bloated One.
And on Thursday:
- Light Side: Yoda and Mace Windu. I do not know these temple Jedi well, with their rules and serious faces and such. So I don’t really care. Except I hear that Yoda has ears like a Kowakian monkey lizard and that amuses me that someone like my Pilf Mukmuk could levitate things in the Force.
- Dark Side: Hondo Ohnaka (that’s me!) and Cad Bane. What? Why am I on the Dark Side? Shouldn’t there be someone more like that Savage Opress or Mother Talzin on this side? I guess I’m too popular to keep out of the running. Though really I should be on the light side – I help those Jedi brats more often than not, it seems. And sometimes they even pay me. Ha! Anyway, this one is pretty obvious: Vote Hondo or else you’re not on Hondo’s team. Got it? Besides, who would you rather party with? A guy who would kill you for a hat, or a guy who actually likes a party. At least twice a day.
Again, the most important thing is to vote for Hondo on Thursday. Tell all your friends to vote for Hondo too. Better yet, pull a blaster on them and make them vote for me. On every computer you can find. Spread the word – #TeamHondo #ThisIsMadness on Twitter, because “This Is Madness!”