Good day! It’s your fantastic captain, Hondo Ohnaka, and now it is time to move onto phase two of our plan. In the “This Is Madness” character picking tournament on starwars.com, all those guys and ladies and droids and whatever that won in the first round have now moved onto face other guys and ladies and such who also won in the first round. So, let’s look at round two: Sixteen Strikes Back.
Thursday: Light: Obi-Wan Kenobi versus R2-D2. As you know, I don’t care much for the Jedi, but Kenobi is an all right guy. He at least doesn’t hold a grudge. R2-D2, I’ve heard, can hold a grudge, and he’s just a waddling bottle opener. But maybe he knows a lot of secrets, that could be worth money. Still, I choose Kenobi: He’s smart enough to never own a droid. Or at least claim to not remember owning one. On the Dark Side, Darth Vader against Jabba the Hutt. Jabba is a fair business-slug, but I would never pick him for anything, except maybe if I needed someone sat on. Or licking envelopes. Those are probably two things Jabba can do better than Vader. Those Sith lords are certainly more frightening, but the Empire put a crimp into my lifestyle, and I do not like that. But I hear Vader likes to choke his opponents while Jabba the Hutt got choked, so picking Vader seems the most profitable.
Friday: Going into weekend voting we have Emperor Palpatine vs Maul and Luke Skywalker vs Han Solo. And Batman vs Superman. While I don’t think much of politicians and old men, I do not like Maul at all. And I choose to stay alive by staying on his good side. or at least off of his list of targets. So I will pick Maul, although I’m pretty sure someone is pulling his strings. But I doubt it’s that old Emperor guy. So that Sith tattoo laser-sword monster. For the light side, we have a goody-Jedi and a smuggler. And what does that Jedi do when things get ugly? He runs away. I would never do that. Unless it was to stay alive. What does Solo do when the galaxy turns against him? He smuggles nasty rathtars! I like his spirit. Han Solo!