To the tune of "If I Only Had a Brain" from The Wizard of Oz
Filked by Figrin

Gee, this Jedi training's awful
So proper and so lawful
I only wonder if
I could do it quick and easy
And the Younglings wouldn't tease me
If I only were a Sith

Oh, I wouldn't have to labor
Kick ass with red lightsabers
No floating regolith (It's a rock.)
Wouldn't have to listen backwards
To a Muppet Jedi Master
If I only were a Sith

Yes, I... could learn to fly
A Sienar eight-one-four
Prototypes and special treatment to explore
'Cause Sith have perks that they adore

Better pay and better hours
And all those Dark Side powers
Are hard to argue with
Anger, fear, and aggression
Are a part of the obsession
If I only were a Sith.

***

Interlude

Why screw... with something you
Can't argue or ignore
Might as well accept the lighter side's a bore
And that you like the Dark Side more!

I admit it's rather tempting
The goodness I'm pre-empting
Forsook my kin and kith
All the selfless acts I'm curbing
And they'd find my faith disturbing
If I only were a Sith

***

All the evil I'm inciting
Is just too damn inviting
The Padawans are miffed
That it's them that I'm surpassing
But the Masters that I'm sassing
Say I'll never be a Sith

They say future things are changing
My fate is rearranging
Uncertain is my drift
Something tells me they'll ignore me
Like the "Chosen One" before me;
I'll still get to be a Sith!

And then I'll sing again
The praises of just me
And I'll have a featurette on DVD
And all the girls will sigh and squee!

I can't wait to laugh and cackle
And the knowledge that I lack'll
Expose itself forthwith
Ever-knowing and all-seeing
Could there be a better being
Than a Dark Lord of the Sith?