To the tune of 'When Frederick Was A Little Lad' from The Pirates of Penzance by Gilbert and Sullivan
Filked by Sophie

I was trying to teach myself to multi-task (thank you Kelly!) by reading the
Episode I visual dictionary and listening to the Pirates of Penzance at the
same time. I came across this passage on p 60 about Sei Taria (The Asian
woman in the purple next to Valorum in the senate) which inspired this 'what
if' filk:

"Chancellor Valorum's administrative aide, Sei Taria assists him in
confirming the fine details of necessary procedural regulations. She has
learned much from Senator Palpatine."

As sung by Sei Taria:

When Darth Maul was a little lad he proved so brave and daring
His father thought he'd 'prentice him to some career uncaring.
I was, alas! his nursery maid and his father to me *im*plored
To take and bind the promising boy Apprentice at a *switch*board.

A life not bad for a hardy lad,
His working future assured,
Though I'm a maid, I'd be well paid
If I was working at a switchboard.

I was an honest nursery maid, no dealings in corruption,
But I did not catch the word a-right through a com-relay disruption.
Mistaking my instructions, which Were not easily *ig*nored,
I took and bound this promising boy Apprentice to a *Sith* Lord.

A sad mistake it was to make,
And doom him to this mentor,
I bound him to a Sith Lord - You!
Instead of at a switchboard.

I soon found out beyond all doubt the scope of this disaster.
(Already Sidious had instructed him to address him as 'My Master'.)
I could lie, I could kill, these were just two skills which I had learned as
a *nurse*maid.
It was quite easy then to reapply them as a new senatori*al* aide.

And that is how you find me now
Sowing seeds of disaccord,
Which you wouldn't have found if he'd been bound
Apprentice at a switchboard.