To the tune of "The Night Santa Went Crazy" by "Weird" Al Yankovic
Filked by Shack

Warning: If you dislike graphic fantasy destruction of fictional characters
and/or the authors behind them and their actions, do not partake of this filk!

In the bowels of RASSM
All the snerts were making toys
For the good Jedi girls
And the good Jedi boys

When The Bitch busted in
Nearly scared 'em half to death
Had D*rks*ber in her hands
And cheap writing on her breath

>From her mane to her boots
She was covered with ammo
Like a "Stuff"-induced, disgruntled
Star Wars Rambo

And she smiled as she said
With a twinkle in her eye
"Happy Prequels to all--
NOW YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

The Night Mara Went Crazy
The night Ms. Jade went insane
Realized she'd been getting a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in her brain

Mr. Anderson's gone now
She chose to ignite him
Everywhere you'll find pieces
Of dictaphone writing

She dismembered Callista
And she held the twins hostage
And she ground up Lowbacca into
Wookie sausage

Then she strangled Akanah
With Fox Mulder's speedo
And she blew up the Stormtroopers for training Greedo

And she picked up a flamethrower
And she barbecued Wicket
And she took a big bite and said
"IT TASTES JUST LIKE CHICKEN!"

The Night Mara Went Crazy
The night the redhead went nuts
Now you can't hardly walk a-
Round the freak school
Without stepping in cardboard guts

There's Grand Admiral Thrawn and the NRI
There's some guy from the Coruscant News
And hovercraft circling 'round in the sky

Now the lasers are flying
The body-count's rising
And everyone's dying to know--
Oh, Mara, why?

Why, why, why, why oh why?
Why did you wait such a damn long time?

Yes, Dr. Xux
Now Mara's doing time
On the talk-show circuit
For her justified crimes

Now listen birdbrain,
Don't you cry no more tears
She'll be back to bugging Wormie
In seven hundred more years

But now Jacen's in therapy!
And Jaina's still nervous!
And Luke got a job working for the
Postal Service!

And they say Talon Karrde
He's on the phone every night--
With Lando, negotiating the
Movie rights

They're talkin' 'bout

The Night Mara Went Crazy
The night the Emperor's Hand flipped
Broke her back for a
Padded flight suit
Sounds to me like she was tired of getting gypped

Oh

The Night Mara Went Crazy
The night Ms. Jade went insane
Realized she'd been getting a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in her brain

Tell ya

Something finally must have snapped in her brain

Oh

Something finally must have snapped...
In her brain