To the tune of "Black Velvet" by Allanah Miles
Filked by David Reese

Ta-too-i-ine in the middle of a dry spell,
Little boy's mi-ti-chlo-rians up high,
Qui-Gon Jinn sez, "Hey, this kid could be a Jedi."
But the Council says we better pass him by,
Little does Qui-Gon know,
Anything...
The kid, he has The Force,
Now all he's waitin' for is...

CHORUS:
Black Helmet, and the Dark Side of The Force,
Black Helmet, with his breath soundin' hoarse,
The Old Religion, well, he'll cleanse it from the skies,
Hunt and kill all the Jedi,

Meanwhile, back in the Episode I timeline,
Our young hero's gettin' ready for a race,
He's bet the farm on his homemade pod racer,
But Sebulba's kickin' dust up in his face,
So he kicks it in high gear,
Comes around...
Hear the turbines whine,
As he crosses the finish li-ine,

CHORUS:
Black Helmet, and the Dark Side of The Force,
Black Helmet, but he don't know that, of course,
Yeah, for the moment, he's just a little boy,
With a gold droid for a toy,

BRIDGE:
And every word of every movie in this story is tru-u-ue,
All of us can hardly wait - for Episode II (bass run here)
What will we do?

So now we're out here all a-waitin' in the limbo,
Wonderin' just what Ole George is plannin' next,
One thing's certain in all of this hoo-hah,
Lotsa money, but very little sex,
After all, it's all P-Geee,
Yes it is,
He'll leave us wantin' more,
Knowin' Anakin's gonna score,

CHORUS:
Black Helmet, and the Dark Side of The Force,
Black Helmet, and a quickie divorce,
A new Sith Lord will stalk the galaxy,
And he won't pay al-i-mo-ny...
(Tag it!)
Black Helmet, and the Dark Side of The Force,
Black Helmet, let it run it's dark course,
He'll be the servant of Evil Palpatine,
Black Helmet....
But he'll come clean...

(Instruments continue, vocalist improvises out)