Remember how Tyra Banks got a book deal last year? Well, Modelland is officially in the publishing pipeline for a September 13th release, and if the sample chapter is anything to judge by, this shit is crazy.
First off, the heroine’s name is Tookie De La Crème. Yes, I did copy and paste that directly, and I’m pretty sure that somewhere in the depths of basic cable a drag queen is cursing Tyra for getting there first.
There’s also a feather eyepiece ‘smize’ (What? Yes.) that increases ones chances of being an ‘Intoxibella’ (supermodel) “by 91 percent.” 91 percent!
And then there’s this:
Scores of girls marched down their own stretches of the square, paused, posed for the cameras (real and imaginary), and then turned around. Trains of walking girls intersected with others. One area behind Tookie was so crammed with street vendors, it bottlenecked into a slow, shuffling line. Some walkers had only enough space to take a few steps before they had to stop and turn. Tookie’s heart went out to a young girl in a ruffled pink dress who seemed way below the unofficial thirteen- year-old age requirement. She marched in place as if she were on a drill team.
Riiiip. A girl stepped on the train of a walker a few feet from Tookie and tore the fabric right off the dress. Both girls fell forward into a heap. The walkers behind them stepped over their bodies and continued.
Crash. The De La Crème white and cream blow-up tent went down as two brawling girls entered it. Oof. A girl who looked as if she had never walked in heels before stumbled, breaking the tips of both stilettos. Two girls got into a fight at the end of their makeshift catwalk, rolling to the ground. “Kenya, use the Gyaku Zuki move!” her mother screamed. “Reverse- punch the hairy hag! But watch your hair, sweetie!”
At least Tyra (or her ghostwriter) have a sense of humor, right? Read the rest of the excerpt at Barnes and Noble.
Coming soon spotted a LEGO Star Wars poster at at the Licensing International Expo that promises a TV special for Fall 2011. They also mention “a second animated series” with “a completely new and fun direction” that could be either this or the Seth Green comedy show. I don’t even know anymore.
A survey by the Birmingham Science City finds that “over a fifth of adults” surveyed believe lightsabers are real. Nearly a quarter believe that humans can be teleported, 50% believe that memory-erasing technology (ala Men in Black) exist, and more than 40% believe in hoverboards. Remember them from Back to the Future Part II? Granted, we can probably blame Robert Zemeckis himself for that one. Science fiction, what have you wrought?
“George Lucas sits down and seriously proceeds to talk for around 25 minutes about how he thinks the world is gonna end in the year 2012, like, for real. He thinks it.
“He’s going on about the tectonic plates and all the time Spielberg is, like, rolling his eyes, like, ’My nerdy friend won’t shut up, I’m sorry…’
“I first thought he (Lucas) was joking… and then I totally realized he was serious and then I started thinking, ’If you’re George Lucas and you actually think the world is gonna end in a year, there’s no way you haven’t built a spaceship for yourself… So I asked him… ’Can I have a seat on it?’
Counterpoint: Here’s what Katie Lucas has to say about it:
I have no idea if the conversation actually happened. But he would TOTALLY say that. As a joke, obviously. Geez people, its funny. Get over it!
“I spoke with George,” said Lucasfilm rep Lynne Hale in an e-mail to Wired.com about this issue of obvious intergalactic importance.
“He was not serious when he talked about the end of the world in 2012 but he is an adamant believer that the world is flat, that Stonehenge was built by aliens, and that the sun revolves around the Earth,” Hale said. “These are among the many subjects he commonly discusses at length with Elvis, who he’s going to digitally insert into Indy 5 along with a roster of famous dead actors.”
So dare I say this means that George trolled Seth Rogan? So many LULZ.
The story happens in a make-believe place called Modelland – every girl in the world wants to go there because it’s where “Intoxibellas” are trained. Intoxibellas are drop-dead beautiful, kick-butt fierce and, yeah, maybe they have some powers too. (But I’m confirming NOTHING! Ha. You gotta wait for the book.) The story follows a teen girl and her friends who find themselves magically transported to Modelland, even though they’re really not supposed to be there. (Okay, now, that’s ALL I’m saying!)
Mr. and Mrs. Catalog, of number four, Unfashionable Drive, were proud to say that they bought everything at Target, thank you very much. They were the last people you’d expect to be involved in anything fashionable or stylish, because they just didn’t hold with such fabulousness.