Club Jade

It’s turkey time!

True confession: The Razzies are my favorite movie awards, particularly in years that gave them plenty of crap to sift through. We’ve been so blessed this year: Genre nominations for worst picture include The Last Airbender and The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, as well as the Matt Lanter-led spoof Vampires Suck.

Lanter was spared an lead acting nom, though nods went to Twilight’s Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner and Kristen Stewart as well as Jonah Hex’s Megan Fox. In the supporting categories, Airbender’s Nicola Peltz, Dev Patel and Jackson Rathbone (also for Eclipse) all got nods. And not to leave anyone out, both Eclipse and Airbender are up for Worst Screen Ensemble.

Both films, plus Vampires Suck, also hold court in Worst Director, Worst Screenplay (if Shyamalan isn’t a lock for that, I’ll eat my ATLA DVDs) and Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off or Sequel.

In the brand-new Worst Eye-Gouging Mis-Use of 3-D category, the nominations are Cats & Dogs 2: Revenge of Kitty Galore, Clash of the Titans, The Last Airbender, Nutcracker 3-D and Saw VII.

Basically, you know it’s a good/bad year when a dud like Clash of the Titans can’t muster up more than two nominations.

Sometimes parodying Twilight just seems futile, and nothing says that better than this trailer for Vampires Suck. Sorry, Matt Lanter; Cleolinda these guys are not.

Baby, why you gotta be so sparkly? There’s actual, serious talk about splitting the fourth Twilight book into two movies. After all, Harry Potter is doing it, and just think of all that squeeful allowance cash beckoning. At this rate, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part I: The Pillowing will be out next Christmas. All signs point to beige, and a possible endorsement deal with the old-timey Gap.

On a more positive Twilight note (Not so! I lie!) there’s Cleolinda’s New Moon in Fifteen Minutes. And for proof that Bella Swan follows a well-worn path, five terrible male role models in guy-centric blockbusters. You’ll never guess who takes the first spot. (Okay, you totally will.) Though alas, Edward is still rather creepy, what with fufilling all those signs of an abusive relationship… By any chance does Breaking Dawn end with him getting pan-fried in lava? That I’d watch.

Moving on… First images from Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Oh baby. (Please don’t suck, movie.)

It is RDJ, after all. The first official poster for Iron Man 2 has arrived, and it looks kind of familiar…. Oh my god. Entertainment Weekly has kindly provided a primer on War Machine for the soon-to-be eager slash fangirls.

Speaking of… A (rather boring) first look at Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Naturally. Harlan Ellison wants in on Abrams’ Star Trek sequel; The Hobbit script is still a work in progress.

The Twilight sequel did indeed take down The Dark Knight’s records for midnight opening and opening day, but it fell short when it came to the full weekend numbers: Early reports have it settled at third behind TDK and Spider-Man 3, dethroning Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End for third place. Oh well, what can you do? (See 2012? No thanks.)

But we all know why we’re really here, so moving along: A hilarious Sims 3 parody. Or how about The Simpsons taking their own inevitable spoof to another level by getting none other than Daniel Radcliffe to voice the vampire? And yes, believe it or not, there is a review out there that made me kind of want to actually see it. I mean, really:

From the moment that Bella arrives for her first day of school and sees vamp Edward ambling toward her in slo-mo, his skin powdered white and lips cherry red, we’re plunged into some kind of gender-bending satire of beer commercials. But instead of a busty blonde boob-bouncing her way towards the camera, we have the ridiculously made-up Edward, looking like something that got dunked in a Sephora store and then hurled through the stock room at Abercrombie and Goth.

Like I can resist that amount of snark. Stay strong, girls.

In this corner of cyberspace, I feel pretty safe in saying that Star Wars is Star Wars for girls. (Well, sometimes.) But the New York Post does have some points – granted, a bit inflated points, but still, points. (Harry Potter fans must be so relieved that the buck has finally passed.) And it’s hard to deny at this point that Twilight isn’t a game-changer, and if Fandango and Nikki Finke are onto something, we might be seeing the requisite record-breaking ticket sales, too. In any case, it’s too soon to say – ruling a box office is one thing, but still being relevant thirty years on? That takes some doing, particularly when your audience is full of fickle teenagers.

Still, for those of us who find the appeal of Twilight puzzling, it’s nice to know that there are some parents out there at least a little wary of letting their daughters see a movie where a girl throws herself over a cliff over some guy with glitter issues.

UPDATE: Finke is now saying that New Moon did Dark Knight numbers for the midnight release. This will certainly be interesting…

Oh, it’s on now, sparkles. Fandango’s advance ticket sales for New Moon, the second Twilight movie, have surpassed Revenge of the Sith’s record. I am resisting so many choking vs. c-section jokes right now, but mostly just thankful it wasn’t Transformers.

Oh honey, no. Someone decided that yesterday was World Wide Wookiee Life Day. Here concludes my obligatory mention of the Holiday Special for the season. Call me when Santa Maul wakes up, okay? (via)

Phone stuffs. A Trench Run game is now available in the iTunes store priced at $4.99 for those with compatible devices. (The lightsaber app is still free.) Meanwhile, those who possess a lesser device an LG Arena KM900 can get some custom Star Wars stuff, including a ringtone.

List. Star Wars is the indisputable champion of Geekdad’s top ten bad messages from good movies, at least if you don’t count Disney as a single entity.

At random. Yoda in the form of the new Twitter default icon.

I know, Twilight mocking is so six months ago, but… Seriously? (via)

It’s a droid! MTV’s Josh Wigler goes on a flight of Star Wars fancy regarding Verizon’s Droid phone. The Mercury News’ Mike Cassidy is less enthralled, but he did make a call to Lucasfilm.

Behind-the-scenes decor. The Wall Street Journal gets featurey with a story on Broadway dressing rooms – with a focus and pictures from Carrie Fisher’s.

What do AT-ATs and werewolves have in common? ILM alumni Phil Tippett’s Tippett Studios is responsible for New Moon’s werewolves.

Pirates 4 to go steampunk? Disney gave Johnny Depp a (anti?) hero’s welcome at D23 last week and announced the film’s name – On Stranger Tides – but the most interesting thing I’ve heard in connection with the movie is a rumor that the villian may be cribbing from Captain Nemo. On the one hand that could be kind of cool. On the other hand… It’s Pirates of the Caribbean 4. Not sick of steampunk yet? If there’s any truth to this, you will be.

• Just like old times. J.J. Abrams and Roberto Orci hint that the next Star Trek movie will deal with “modern-day issues.”

• It’s never too soon for a reboot! Or a prequel. Yes, X-Men: First Class may be next on the Marvel X-Movie slate. Of course, the Fantastic Four are actually getting a reboot, nevermind that they just made two movies. Nobody runs your iconic properties into the ground like Hollywood!
• Twilight. New Moon actually has enough of a plot for it to be given away entirely in the trailer? Kristen Stewart actually attempts to act? Dakota Fanning is in it! Wow, my standards are low for this one…
• Randomly. Nostalgia Chick takes on Armageddon.