Club Jade

Baby, why you gotta be so sparkly? There’s actual, serious talk about splitting the fourth Twilight book into two movies. After all, Harry Potter is doing it, and just think of all that squeeful allowance cash beckoning. At this rate, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part I: The Pillowing will be out next Christmas. All signs point to beige, and a possible endorsement deal with the old-timey Gap.

On a more positive Twilight note (Not so! I lie!) there’s Cleolinda’s New Moon in Fifteen Minutes. And for proof that Bella Swan follows a well-worn path, five terrible male role models in guy-centric blockbusters. You’ll never guess who takes the first spot. (Okay, you totally will.) Though alas, Edward is still rather creepy, what with fufilling all those signs of an abusive relationship… By any chance does Breaking Dawn end with him getting pan-fried in lava? That I’d watch.

Moving on… First images from Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Oh baby. (Please don’t suck, movie.)

It is RDJ, after all. The first official poster for Iron Man 2 has arrived, and it looks kind of familiar…. Oh my god. Entertainment Weekly has kindly provided a primer on War Machine for the soon-to-be eager slash fangirls.

Speaking of… A (rather boring) first look at Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Naturally. Harlan Ellison wants in on Abrams’ Star Trek sequel; The Hobbit script is still a work in progress.

The Twilight sequel did indeed take down The Dark Knight’s records for midnight opening and opening day, but it fell short when it came to the full weekend numbers: Early reports have it settled at third behind TDK and Spider-Man 3, dethroning Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End for third place. Oh well, what can you do? (See 2012? No thanks.)

But we all know why we’re really here, so moving along: A hilarious Sims 3 parody. Or how about The Simpsons taking their own inevitable spoof to another level by getting none other than Daniel Radcliffe to voice the vampire? And yes, believe it or not, there is a review out there that made me kind of want to actually see it. I mean, really:

From the moment that Bella arrives for her first day of school and sees vamp Edward ambling toward her in slo-mo, his skin powdered white and lips cherry red, we’re plunged into some kind of gender-bending satire of beer commercials. But instead of a busty blonde boob-bouncing her way towards the camera, we have the ridiculously made-up Edward, looking like something that got dunked in a Sephora store and then hurled through the stock room at Abercrombie and Goth.

Like I can resist that amount of snark. Stay strong, girls.

In this corner of cyberspace, I feel pretty safe in saying that Star Wars is Star Wars for girls. (Well, sometimes.) But the New York Post does have some points – granted, a bit inflated points, but still, points. (Harry Potter fans must be so relieved that the buck has finally passed.) And it’s hard to deny at this point that Twilight isn’t a game-changer, and if Fandango and Nikki Finke are onto something, we might be seeing the requisite record-breaking ticket sales, too. In any case, it’s too soon to say – ruling a box office is one thing, but still being relevant thirty years on? That takes some doing, particularly when your audience is full of fickle teenagers.

Still, for those of us who find the appeal of Twilight puzzling, it’s nice to know that there are some parents out there at least a little wary of letting their daughters see a movie where a girl throws herself over a cliff over some guy with glitter issues.

UPDATE: Finke is now saying that New Moon did Dark Knight numbers for the midnight release. This will certainly be interesting…

Oh, it’s on now, sparkles. Fandango’s advance ticket sales for New Moon, the second Twilight movie, have surpassed Revenge of the Sith’s record. I am resisting so many choking vs. c-section jokes right now, but mostly just thankful it wasn’t Transformers.

Oh honey, no. Someone decided that yesterday was World Wide Wookiee Life Day. Here concludes my obligatory mention of the Holiday Special for the season. Call me when Santa Maul wakes up, okay? (via)

Phone stuffs. A Trench Run game is now available in the iTunes store priced at $4.99 for those with compatible devices. (The lightsaber app is still free.) Meanwhile, those who possess a lesser device an LG Arena KM900 can get some custom Star Wars stuff, including a ringtone.

List. Star Wars is the indisputable champion of Geekdad’s top ten bad messages from good movies, at least if you don’t count Disney as a single entity.

At random. Yoda in the form of the new Twitter default icon.

I know, Twilight mocking is so six months ago, but… Seriously? (via)

It’s a droid! MTV’s Josh Wigler goes on a flight of Star Wars fancy regarding Verizon’s Droid phone. The Mercury News’ Mike Cassidy is less enthralled, but he did make a call to Lucasfilm.

Behind-the-scenes decor. The Wall Street Journal gets featurey with a story on Broadway dressing rooms – with a focus and pictures from Carrie Fisher’s.

What do AT-ATs and werewolves have in common? ILM alumni Phil Tippett’s Tippett Studios is responsible for New Moon’s werewolves.

Pirates 4 to go steampunk? Disney gave Johnny Depp a (anti?) hero’s welcome at D23 last week and announced the film’s name – On Stranger Tides – but the most interesting thing I’ve heard in connection with the movie is a rumor that the villian may be cribbing from Captain Nemo. On the one hand that could be kind of cool. On the other hand… It’s Pirates of the Caribbean 4. Not sick of steampunk yet? If there’s any truth to this, you will be.

• Just like old times. J.J. Abrams and Roberto Orci hint that the next Star Trek movie will deal with “modern-day issues.”

• It’s never too soon for a reboot! Or a prequel. Yes, X-Men: First Class may be next on the Marvel X-Movie slate. Of course, the Fantastic Four are actually getting a reboot, nevermind that they just made two movies. Nobody runs your iconic properties into the ground like Hollywood!
• Twilight. New Moon actually has enough of a plot for it to be given away entirely in the trailer? Kristen Stewart actually attempts to act? Dakota Fanning is in it! Wow, my standards are low for this one…
• Randomly. Nostalgia Chick takes on Armageddon.

It certainly made MSNBC take notice (well, technically Newsarama, but let’s take a wild guess at which version got the most eyeballs) that more women are flocking to geek fandom – or at least the traditional aspects like San Diego Comic Con.

“Hollywood is finally waking up to the fact that girls like a wide variety of things beyond Barbie and Sex and the City,” said actor Mike McMillian, who plays the Rev. Steve Newlin on the HBO television series “True Blood”, a sexed-up vampire show that has proven itself popular with both male and female fans. “The universal success and appeal of ‘Harry Potter’ probably kicked this off in some ways. There are obviously concepts out there that are more appealing to boys than girls, and vice versa, but things don’t always have to be organized into ‘pink’ and ‘blue’ categories.”

McMillian counts himself among the fanboy culture and is writing next year’s comic book series “Lucid” from publisher Archaia. But the actor said he thinks there have always been fangirls — Hollywood just never courted to them before now. “There are legions of women out there who love this stuff, but I think they’ve been largely disregarded up to this point,” he said.

Is it time to step back from the hate and take a look at the bigger picture here? (via)

I don’t know if I’ve made this clear or not, but I find people who take their fandom too seriously to be absolutely hilarious. As a Star Wars fan, I find it perplexing when other fans take up arms at any hint of irreverent criticism concerning the franchise. Are we not fans of the same fun, cheesy, flawed films? Because I don’t really have a problem admitting that the Star Wars movies (all six of them) are far from perfect. (And yes, the same goes – perhaps even more so – for the Expanded Universe. Embrace the pain! And chill out.)

So, naturally, I take great joy in Jezebel’s takedown of over-serious Twilight fans. Please, don’t let this happen to you. Do you see how ridiculous it looks? And while I’m not saying you have to lay down and take everything, it doesn’t hurt to laugh a little at the expense of what you love. Because, let’s face it – sometimes it just deserves it.

You get this. Actually, the personal stalker-shadow is the least disturbing of the two unofficial Twilight products to emerge (so to speak) this week, but it is the only one actually appropriate to slapping up on this site at 500 pixels wide. The other one is so not safe for work or direct linking, if you get what I’m saying, and I think you do. (via)