Once again, it’s your old pirating pal, Hondo Ohnaka!
Today’s the day! Now that I’ve woken up but not yet sobered up, I headed to the polls to vote for myself in This is Madness. My Kowakian Monkey Lizard apparently beat me to the polls, because that scamp Han Solo has a big lead at the moment. So I need everyone on deck to go vote for me, to show the galaxy that no one is more of a scoundrel than Hondo Ohnaka.
Sure, Solo is a handsome smuggler, but look at what I have – a whole base of handsome smugglers, pirates, and ne’er-do-wells. Plus I have this awesome coat, which I didn’t even pay for!
So go over to vote for Team Hondo, and spread the word on your social media things. Because if Hondo doesn’t win this year, I’ll sell all of you to the Geonosian glue factory.
PS. In the dark side match-up, it’s Emperor Palpatine versus Count Dooku. Since I was able to capture Dooku, he can’t be that tough, so vote Palpatine. Then again, Dooku escaped and sent his droid armies and horn-headed toughs to wreck my base once, so vote Dooku to keep him off our backs.
Lobbying for the ladies. Today’s This Is Madness matchups are Leia vs. Ackbar and Asajj vs. Grievous. Leia will take this matchup easily, but Asajj could use some extra help. Hondo would approve, I’m sure.
Ahoy! It’s your old pal Hondo Ohnaka, Scourge of the Spacelanes, here, and I’ve gotten word that once again I will be competing in the ‘This is Madness‘ tournament from StarWars.com. So here’s your captain to tell you who to pick since you’re all pressed into Team Hondo!
They seem to have expanded the number of spots available by adding these play-in things. At least they are smart enough to not make me join in one of those. In a four-way fight, I would win… or maybe hide… or run away until there is only one left, and then club that guy when his back is turned. But the point is, I’d win.
So they decided to let me skip these add-on rounds, but here are my picks – you have less than three days to get your votes in.
- In Attack of the Play-Ins Matchup 1, we have Wedge Antilles, C-3PO, Mon Mothma and Jek Porkins. I hear this Wedge guy is a bit of a rogue, even if he wears a uniform. But smart money’s on the protocol droid. Why? He’s made of gold. Anyone with that much as you say bling has got to be a baller. Also, if I had to face him, I could knock him over easily. Pick C-3PO.
- For Matchup 2, we have a bunch of Jedi. As Watto says, we don’t need them. They always cause me trouble. Last time they came to my base, they wrecked it up and didn’t even stick around to clean up the mess. Still, that Ahsoka Tano is probably the only one I’d trust, and for a pirate to trust a Jedi, that’s a rare thing. Vote Ahsoka.
- In the next matchup, there’s some members of the Empire and Separatists. Like the Jedi, these guys cause my head to ache. Sep sent their battle droids to shoot up my stuff, so there’s no way I’m going to pick them. I’ll pick General Veers because picking a Navy admiral just seems like bad luck to a mostly illegal businessman like me.
- What are we up to, now? Matchup four. Bounty hunters. While sometimes I work with bounty hunters, other times, they are looking for me or my men. I do background checks when I hire crew. Wait, no I don’t. Anyway, between Bossk, Greedo, IG-88 and Dengar, Bossk is the most lethal, and I don’t want to be on his bad side. Pick Bossk and live, I say!
Looking down at the full brackets, I see that I’m paired against Han Solo in the first round in the scoundrels division, on the light side of the board. I’ll have to make sure I move back to the dark side of the chart next year, but this year, you’d better vote Team Hondo, or else I’ll let my Kowakian monkey lizard tattoo you. Remember, now this is MADNESS!
StarWars.com has brought back This is Madness for 2014, and they’ve souped it up a considerable amount. It’s starting off with a number of play-in rounds, as well as a ‘Predict the Madness’ pool.
And yes, Hondo is back, but he’s going up against a powerhouse in the first round – Han Solo. We expect to hear from Team Hondo soon.
On Monday morning, Team Hondo took to the streets of Oceanside and Carlsbad, along the north coast of San Diego County, for their segments of the Course of the Force lightsaber relay. Raising nearly $2,200 for Make-A-Wish over the past few weeks, putting us in the top three of all Course of the Force fundraising teams, Team Hondo was ready to run our segments in the lightsaber relay that had started in the Bay Area and was headed to Comic-Con in downtown San Diego. Here is our epic saga! Continue reading
Ashley Eckstein’s Her Universe will be selling these Course of the Force t-shirts and hoodies at the race’s “conival’ events and San Diego Comic Con.
$5 from each tee and $10 from each sweatshirt will go to Make-A-Wish, and it looks like they’ll be sold online as well.
On that note, if you’d still like to donate directly, Hondo has raised James’ donation goal to $750. Support Team Hondo and Make-A-Wish!
Team Hondo gets a mention in Matt Martin’s writeup of March’s ‘This is Madness’ vote in Star Wars Insider #142, arriving in subscriber mailboxes now. (But for the meantime, here’s a scan.)
The issue also features a short story by Christie Golden that ties into Crucible, a Padme piece by blogger Tricia Barr and a look back at The Clone Wars S5 from Eric Geller. The issue should be on newsstands on or around June 12.
Great news, my loyal, well mostly loyal, crew, from your captain, Hondo! I’ve won the StarWars.com This Is Madness contest. [Editor’s note: Hondo is not being entirely truthful. Yoda is the official winner. You can see the official results here. Also note that the official header image on the website today is Vader with the quote: “I find your lack of faith disturbing.”] Team Hondo can rejoice in my victory. [Editor’s Note: Yoda won. We have video proof from ESPN UNITE.]
As you can see in the video above, Darth Vader has bowed out of the contest, and he got only 40% of the vote. That leaves 60% for me. Or if you look at the way I set it up over the weekend, 100% of the votes were really for me. So that’s really 160% of the vote for me! So somebody needs to give Matt Martin 10 credits, I heard he bet it all on me, which is always a good option. Unless I’m betting on the other guy, and in those cases, I usually know something.
And as customary with victory speeches, I must thank all of my supporters. You. and you, and that guy over there. But especially all the fans on #teamhondo on twitter, and Justin at Jedi News and Tricia at Fangirl Blog. But not Cad Bane. Ok, enough frivol.. frivoli.. fun and games. Time to get back to work – I smell profit.
It is I, Hondo Ohnaka, bane of both Jedi and Sith, and I have one more pick for the StarWars.com game This Is Madness. It’s the final match and if you notice I’m not in it. Because I have better things to do, like make money rather than sit around waiting to face off against Yoda or Darth Vader. Really, a green puppet is no contest for the likes of me! And an old in a body suit with no eyebrows? Again, I laugh at the thought. Really, they should put both of them together against me. Certainly all the ladies would still pick me. It’s this jacket, it makes me look handsome.
So go to This Is Madness and vote, vote for Hondo. You can’t do that you say. Well, I have a solution. Mmmm… actually I don’t anymore. It sounded good at the time when I came up with it, but then I passed out. No, Hondo never passes out. I just got sleepy after too much frivolity at the wake of the fearsome pirate Guybrush Threepwood. But there was a plan.
Despite the brackets, Hondo is not on the dark side. So we have a light side winner – Master Yoda, and a dark side winner – Darth Vader, and a not-light-side-nor-dark-side winner – that’s me! And since it’s no contest, I’ve already won! So, #TeamHondo, you can vote for whomever you wish for second place – the incredible shrinking Hulk, or Timmy the human piece of toast. Because a vote for either of them is really a vote for Hondo.
Because: This Is Madness.
Ptooey! This is not good business at all. I, Captain Hondo Ohnaka am back, and I’m about to hang up my boots for This Is Madness. Apparently, everyone does the opposite of what your wise pirate captain says. So you’re all fired unless you win one for my Kowakian monkey lizard!
Yes, I’m still upset that more people voted for Chewbacca than for my favorite Jedi, Ahsoka Tano. And now Yoda has bested Obi-Wan in the battle of the Order 66 survivors. This is not profitable for me at all. So time to change my business plan. Phase III – Profit!
So, in today’s matches:
- Light side: We have R2-D2 against Chewbacca. It’s like the battle of your favorite appliance against your favorite pet. Both are loyal and handy with machines and prone to saying things that shouldn’t be repeated in proper company. Hondo does prefer having a droid on his team over a Wookiee, simply because you don’t have to pay a droid. So vote Artoo. Don’t let the Wookie win.
- Dark side: Boba Fett vs. Palpatine. This one is the match between the walking box of matches and the walking sparkplug. Both are good way to start a fire, but neither make for good company. Well, Palpatine will at least talk to you, but he’s always cackling and talking about your very special destiny. So I guess Palpatine.
Then we move on to the final match for each side for the following day:
- Light Side: Yoda vs Artoo or Yoda vs Chewbacca. Yoda is one of those Jedi who never tells you the truth, and is all high and mighty from his temple chair on Coruscant. While Artoo and Chewbacca are both folk I’d actually have work for me on my crew. Yoda’s not much into piracy. So vote for Artoo or Chewbacca, you will. That’s my Yoda attempt. I’m pretty sure I did it in a convincing accent.
- Dark Side: Darth Vader against the winner of Boba Fett / Palpatine. I’m just going to assume that Boba Fett is going to win against Palpatine. But vote Darth Vader anyway. While Fett’s a businessman like myself, his business is usually involving rounding up some of MY business associates. And that’s not good for my bottom line. Vader, on the other hand, is so consumed with tracking down Jedi that he leaves me alone. And every now and then he hires me for a job when having the Empire won’t look good for the role. It’s like he knows me from somewhere, but I can’t place it.
So Team Hondo, go vote on the website or you’re all fired! And since I haven’t paid you yet, get fired and you’ll walk away with just the shoes on your feet. Unless you don’t have any shoes. Or feet. And if you don’t have feet, who needs shoes?