Santa Maul would be well amiss if he did not pay tribute to the Joker this holiday season. He has it on good authority that Batman does indeed have a tendency to smell worse than a 501st changing room after a warm-weather march.
Santa Maul is also sure that he should be linking to Rebelscum’s holiday gift guide. He assumes most of you will be quite aware of these items already, but would rather not be pestered by that gangly social media elf of theirs.
Santa Maul is delightfully elite in his tastes, but he cannot help but be charmed by this Death Star Ornament. It will add just the perfect touch of destructive whimsy to any Sithmas tree. The creator has even posted instructions if you desire to create one yourself – or for an internet-unsavvy friend.
Santa Maul has officially woken to ring in the holiday season! Santa Maul is (mostly) proud to represent the rage and chaos of this most ridiculous season, and as such Black Friday is his favorite day of the year! Nevermind that he has been awake on the Twitters for several months: Only now can his true mission begin!
If you are brave enough to visit my true domain, the mall, delightfully overpriced kitchen store Williams-Sonoma is offering yet more Star Wars gear. Give into your hate!
If you are wise enough to do all your Sithmas shopping online, Amazon has many filthy deals on DVD and Blu-Ray.
If you have children or immature adults to buy for, other deals may be procured at Entertainment Earth. Santa Maul is particularly tickled by the Darth Vader golf club cover, for nothing says boorish bureaucrat like golf.
Santa Maul considers himself a gentleman of taste. This means he does not wear baseball caps, or any such gear reserved for the beer-swilling masses. As such, he finds these Star Wars baseball caps – while wildly creative – not the type of thing he would ever let near his perfectly-adequate head. But again, Santa Maul’s duty here is not to outfit himself, but you… Or friends with ridiculously pedantic taste in headgear. Santa Maul only points and comment: The rest is up to you. And at least none of them hold beer.
Santa Maul has no desire to be crude, but he suspects there are many ladies among his readership who will be amused by Thinkgeek’s HTTPanties.
If underthings are not yet an appropriate gift for the geeky women in one’s life, Santa Maul urges his friends to peruse their selection of women’s t-shirts or tech jewelry. (A familiar-looking pendant necklace is on the sale.) Of course, Santa Maul knows there is much among ThinkGeek’s selection that is appropriate for all genders, and even younglings.
Santa Maul gave his Black Friday spiel last year, and he’s particularly cranky today, so will just get to it. Remember, the more shopping you do, the more websites Santa Maul gets to crash, and the happier he will become. Also, now he is on Twitter, where he will be posting any further deals he finds today.
Another Sith whoring himself out for low, low prices… Star Wars Shop is apparently giving discounts. Santa Maul finds the Darth Vader alarm clock suitably schlocky for the occasion at hand.
Speaking of schlock, Marc Ecko is giving away some stuff. Santa Maul was momentarily amused by the hoodies, but finds the rest rather tacky. Of course, he must accept that not everyone can reach his level.
Santa Maul refuses to call Star Wars sports attire “the greatest Christmas present in the universe,” but he is willing to surrender some mean praise for this collection of hooligan-wear. He does not doubt that this gift may please any booze-soaked Fett-loving frat boys that one may be required to socialize with.
Santa Maul himself is eagerly awaiting a licensed collection of Sith tuxedos.
Santa Maul found this clip in his sack a few days ago, and he trusts that you will take Mr. Colbert’s advice and buy many, many Force FX lightsabers. No lowly stick could match its fine quality of making George Lucas and Hasbro shareholders (like Santa Maul!) richer.
Santa Maul invites his many lady friends (and perhaps a few of his man friends as well) to feast their eyes on Sideshow’s new Attack of the Clones Obi-Wan figure. These 12 inches of bearded Obi-Wan can be preordered on Friday for those who qualify. Santa Maul is not familiar enough with Sideshow’s arcane practices to guess what that means, or when the figures will be shipping, but he does believe that many a fan would appreciate the gesture even if it does come down to an empty box on the day in question.