Club Jade

Santa Maul refuses to call Star Wars sports attire “the greatest Christmas present in the universe,” but he is willing to surrender some mean praise for this collection of hooligan-wear. He does not doubt that this gift may please any booze-soaked Fett-loving frat boys that one may be required to socialize with.

Santa Maul himself is eagerly awaiting a licensed collection of Sith tuxedos.

Santa Maul found this clip in his sack a few days ago, and he trusts that you will take Mr. Colbert’s advice and buy many, many Force FX lightsabers. No lowly stick could match its fine quality of making George Lucas and Hasbro shareholders (like Santa Maul!) richer.

Santa Maul invites his many lady friends (and perhaps a few of his man friends as well) to feast their eyes on Sideshow’s new Attack of the Clones Obi-Wan figure. These 12 inches of bearded Obi-Wan can be preordered on Friday for those who qualify. Santa Maul is not familiar enough with Sideshow’s arcane practices to guess what that means, or when the figures will be shipping, but he does believe that many a fan would appreciate the gesture even if it does come down to an empty box on the day in question.

Santa Maul also recommends io9′s Gift Ideas for the Ten Major Species of Science Fiction Fan, though overall he finds their choices rather obvious.

Santa Maul has been pondering the perfect gift for the burgeoning evil mastermind, and The New York Times has revealed it to him. A British phone company is offering for sale an underground tunnel complex built during World War II as a bomb shelter! A virtual bargain at only $7.4 million, particularly when one notes that it contains a bar. Santa Maul regrets that London is not convenient to his lifestyle, else he would buy it himself, or rather whammy the current owners into thinking he did.

For those with a more limited budget, Santa Maul offers this link to Geeks are Sexy’s gift list. Santa Maul particularly craves the Starbuck mug.

Santa Maul loves Black Friday. Not only is it the day he awakens from his long slumber, but it’s the busiest shopping day of the year. And while Santa Maul loves sales, what he loves the most is the chaos and rage of consumers throughout the galaxy! And in 25 days, when the rage and frustration reaches its height, he shall give his master Darth Sinterklaas an unholy wake-up call, and all followers of the Sith shall be rewarded!

Alas, in recent years many shoppers have wised up and moved their Sithmas shopping online. This makes Santa Maul angry. So angry that he occasionally unleashes his power to bring down a shopping site! He may be crashing one right now. And in the spirit of the season, he is imploring you to help in the madness and buy things:

• George Lucas needs your money! Santa Maul is particularly fond of this Darksiders hoodie.

• Dreams and Visions Press is offering free shipping on Celebration Japan exclusive Star Wars: The Art of Ralph McQuarrie
• Fan documentary The Force Among Us is on sale for $10.77.
• Buy more toys at Entertainment Earth. Toys are Santa Maul’s favorite, particularly those with sound, flashing lights, and many breakable parts!
• If you leave the house, be sure to take Hasbro coupons.
• Amazon.com has many early deals on DVDs. Santa Maul yearns for a copy of Sith and the City: The Movie.
• Santa Maul can not imagine that anyone has not yet read Harry Potter, but backwards sorts can catch up with a seven-book hardcover set for $109.97.

Santa Maul is very much in favor of Ask Metafilter’s passive-aggressive gift thread. It brings back Santa Maul’s pain-tinged childhood memories of training with Darth Sinterklaas, and a tear to… No, that’s dust.

Santa Maul reminds you: The greatest gifts are those that keep on giving.

Santa Maul has a mancrush on great admiration for Brock Samson. Thus, Santa Maul advises you to buy the first season of The Venture Brothers on DVD for the fine sale price of $8.99.

Santa Maul is generally not partial to Star Wars merchandise featuring second-rate Sith hack Darth Vader, but he is greatly intrigued by this Musical Holiday Waterball found by X-Entertainment. Santa Maul’s l33t Sith research skillz find that the item was released in September, but now can only be found online at eBay. Santa Maul is unsure of the suitability of giving holiday-themed items for Christmas, but doubts that such a faux pas would result in disembowelment.