Club Jade

If you’re going to read anything on the internet today, why not make it Cleolinda’s latest, The Avengers in Fifteen Minutes. Or even Prometheus in Fifteen Minutes. In any case, you’ll need to be fluent in Cleolinda for Celebration. Trust me.

Twilight snarkster Cleolinda, whose book recaps are much beloved of many Jaders, has recapped the franchise’s fourth film.

Baby, why you gotta be so sparkly? There’s actual, serious talk about splitting the fourth Twilight book into two movies. After all, Harry Potter is doing it, and just think of all that squeeful allowance cash beckoning. At this rate, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part I: The Pillowing will be out next Christmas. All signs point to beige, and a possible endorsement deal with the old-timey Gap.

On a more positive Twilight note (Not so! I lie!) there’s Cleolinda’s New Moon in Fifteen Minutes. And for proof that Bella Swan follows a well-worn path, five terrible male role models in guy-centric blockbusters. You’ll never guess who takes the first spot. (Okay, you totally will.) Though alas, Edward is still rather creepy, what with fufilling all those signs of an abusive relationship… By any chance does Breaking Dawn end with him getting pan-fried in lava? That I’d watch.

Moving on… First images from Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Oh baby. (Please don’t suck, movie.)

It is RDJ, after all. The first official poster for Iron Man 2 has arrived, and it looks kind of familiar…. Oh my god. Entertainment Weekly has kindly provided a primer on War Machine for the soon-to-be eager slash fangirls.

Speaking of… A (rather boring) first look at Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Naturally. Harlan Ellison wants in on Abrams’ Star Trek sequel; The Hobbit script is still a work in progress.

Cleolinda has posted her latest movie in 15 minutes: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

Cleolinda, whose Twilight-for-the-lulz obsession has fed all our urges to know more about the not-quite-Harry-Potter event of the year, has come through with Twilight in Fifteen Minutes.

Since we’re on the topic, the movie made an estimated $70.5 million opening weekend, and the sequel was promptly greenlit. Poor Robert Pattinson – there’s no escape for him now.

300 has not only made boatloads of money, but also inspired boatloads of funny. First the image macros, now Cleolinda in her infinite wisdom has graced the world with 300 in Fifteen Minutes.

Bonnie’s pics from this year’s ILM party. Yeah, there are a ton of awesome costumes, but my hat is off to the cardboard stormtrooper and working (?!?) digital camera.

Sabrina Fried writes her latest ‘Fried Circuits’ column about Star Wars costumes.

R2-D2 among the Northern Iowan’s last-minute costume ideas

Meanwhile, the incomparable Cleolinda has a Halloween present for her many readers: The Prestige in Fifteen Minutes

(P.S. random Googlers: Looking for the pumpkin stuff? It’s here!)

V for Vendetta in Fifteen Minutes. You know you want it.

Phantom of the Opera in 15 Minutes. Hilariously accurate, and streamlined for your amusement.

I won! Second place in the sci-fi category of the GenCon costume contest, that is. Lost out to Iron Man with a night-light in the middle of his chest. Jennifer, Heather Lynn, et al would have been on hand to witness my victory except the “talent” entries drove them screaming from the room.

Now have lovely orange ribbon (not ugly trophy, ha ha to the “lucky” first place winners). Go me!

Ooooh. Yav just came by to give me pretties. King Arthur postcard! I have TWO swords!

(Hey baby baby, you so FINE baby! Can I borrow a cup of sex?)