Club Jade

The other day i09 published a list of weirdest stories from the Star Wars Expanded Universe. Several of us – who’ve actually read the books and comics, not just looked them up on Wookieepedia – found their choices to be a tad uninspired.

As it so happened, I did a few posts on the topic myself a few years back. Now yes, we do love the EU here, but let’s face it: There’s a lot of awfulness in them thar hills, and we here at Club Jade have always been fans of facing them head-on. With sarcasm!

Don’t say I didn’t warn you. (more…)

Dark greetings, my little mookas! Feast your third eye on this: Topless Robot has mined one of the early Expanded Universe’s proudest moments for a list of the ten crappiest aspects of the Jedi Prince series. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll boggle that some of us actually spent money on this crap.

Personal aside: To this day I can’t see the title Mission from Mount Yoda as anything but Mission to Mount Yoda, thanks to a certain founding member of Club Jade.

Before a blog was a type of website, it was a “a water-dwelling species” that appears to be a hippopotamus/Loch Ness monster crossbreed in the Ewoks cartoon. “They were fairly large and fierce, and would sometimes attack Ewoks.”

I might point out that Club Jade published an Ewok cookbook long before we ever had a weblog.

Embrace the pain. Inspired by the latest in transparent rumor-mongering, Cracked puts their well-worn Wookieepedia bookmark to use to come up with five reasons the Star Wars sequels would be worse than the prequels. As an EU fan, I say… Well, yeah. It’s easy to be hard on the prequels, but we can’t deny that the post-ROTJ EU is at least equally screwed up. (I for one have no problem admitting the EU is probably worse. One word, kids: Volume. Also, [insert your least favorite author/book here.])

Not that I would expect George to actually use the existing EU for much besides a few spare parts if he ever did decide to make a sequel trilogy. But various statements he’s made over the last few years show he really doesn’t see much in the sequel era – Han Solo and the Backyard Barbecue much?

Postponed. The Complete Vader will be getting a new release date due to printing issues. It was supposed to be out on Tuesday, but better a nice, carefully reconstructed book than a complete crispy mess completely encased in plastic, right?

The blogside. Mike Stackpole on assumption that authors are their characters.

From the horse’s mouth. A speculative TFN thread prompts John Ostrander to make a preemptive strike and announce that Legacy will not be following in the footsteps of Knights of the Old Republic and ending with issue #50.

Also in comics: Previews for Legacy #41, Invasion #5, The Clone Wars #10 and the one-shot Purge: Seconds to Die.

Oh, Cracked. ‘Retarded’ is not a word we use. Still, one has to give them a bit of credit for looking the most horrific aspects of the EU (Sorry, Death Troopers) full on in the face. I suspect this list was compiled by someone who spent an hour or two on the Wook and not an actual reader, because how else could any reader forget the golden magnificence and ultimate WTFness of Waru?

Artoo breakdancing.

That is all.

From the original Essential Guide to Characters, way back in 1995:

Ackbar and the white-haired beauty would enjoy each others’ company a lot over the coming years, both in their tasks for building the New Republic, and in private.

Ahh, 90′s EU. When the human/fish romance roamed wild and free. (Thanks to the miscreants of #eu.)

Including giant bunnies. No, seriously. This of the kind of thing you need to be aware of if you’re even going to think about taking Star Wars too seriously.

Anyway, I know this is rather late, but Happy Easter/Passover/[insert spring holiday of your choice here], everyone!

(Meanwhile, all this stuff will be on sale tomorrow. The hand-painted eggs, not so much. But scrambled Ewok sounds good. Better than ham, anyway.)

Pablo Hidalgo takes checks off ten fantabulous Star Wars Superweapons from the laughable (Darksaber!) to the completely ridiculous (The Tarkin: just like Darksaber, but more than a decade earlier!) you’re sure to learn something. For one, in the Centerpoint Station entry:

Just one quibble: Wedge Antilles is Corellian and grew up in the Corellian system, which is home to this bizarre space station that is 350 kilometers in diameter. So why is he the guy who exclaims “look at the size of that thing” when the comparatively small Death Star comes into view?

And that’s why you should never take the EU too seriously, kids!

“I just want to be worthy of the Jedi Master that I love.”

If that makes you want to bash your head against the wall over and over and over again then don’t miss Dunc’s latest list of the EU’s Most Eye-Sporking moments. Her review of “Courtship of Princess Leia” is particularly hilarious.

And for another great rant about the “Gun of Command” (AHHHH!!!) don’t miss Jessa’s MOMENT.