Greetings from the sun-drenched canyons of Florrum. It’s me, your good buddy Hondo. After waking up from this long weekend (all weekends for Hondo are long weekends, except when profit is on the line), I checked StarWars.com’s ‘This Is Madness’ and saw that Phase II of #TeamHondo is proceeding as planned: Artoo-Detoo has trumped his golden counterpart, and Boba Fett has beaten out Dengar in a blowout. And both of these victories still show me, Hondo Ohnaka, to be the top of the non-advancing characters, which means I win or am continuing to win, or am the victor.
But today’s pick, which you’d better get in quick (by midnight ET/9 PM PT), is going to be tough to call:
- Light Side: Princess Leia vs. Padme Amidala. In my years as a pirate, I’ve learned a few things about ladies in power – usually they pack blasters and don’t take kindly to being kidnapped. But sometimes they do take kindly to my hospitality when we do business. But my choice is irrelevant – I’m being blackmailed you see – someone has threatened to plunder my base if I don’t tell you to vote for Leia. Normally, I don’t fall for these schemes, but even sometimes I know when I am outgunned. But never am I outwitted.
- Dark Side: Jango Fett vs. Bossk. Who brings their kid on all their business trips? Especially when their business is killing people. I don’t like kids on most days, but even I know what responsible parenting looks like. Bringing your kid to places where you will likely get shot at or laser-sworded: it’s a good way to not come out ahead. Plus Bossk has dry leathery skin like me, and we share some moisturizer tips. Forget that I said that. Just vote Bossk.
And for tomorrow’s votes:
- Light Side: Chewbacca vs. Wicket. Attack of the furballs, I say. Still, Chewbacca helped my friend, Ahsoka Tano, out of a bad situation. Plus he can fly a ship and play dejarik. I still don’t know what’s he’s saying, but then again, I have no idea what Wicket is saying either, and he just runs around with a spear. Chewbacca gets the vote, since he’s got skills I could actually use.
- Dark Side: Count Dooku vs. Tarkin. I was fortunate enough to meet this Dooku and keep him as a special guest. Too bad the Jedi didn’t pay up exactly the way I wanted. And then Dooku sends Grievous to trash my base! If Dooku is such a serious threat, how is it that I can capture him AND two Jedi all in one week? Tarkin – he’s sneaky and ambitious. I like that. Plus he can’t use the Force on me. Tarkin! Wait – Dooku is more likely to be able to exact revenge on me if I endorse his opponent. I can’t afford to have my base shot up again by battle droids. Dooku!
Okay, Team Hondo, get out there and do your civic duty – by stealing these elections!